The Weakest Link: A Special Edition
by Marauder-girl
Summary: For the THIRD TIME this has been put up -GLARES- ! Well anywho what happens when some of our favourite Harry Potter characters are subjected to the evil of Anne Robinson? Read on and find out -Grins- R&R PWEASE! At long last IT'S FINISHED!
1. Welcome to MY world!

A/N: Yay I've finally got the dam thing sorted –grins- well The weakest link has now been reproduced upon the site and I can breathe easily again Enjoy Peeps!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter/ the weakest link otherwise I'd be rich, which I ain't got it!!

THE WEAKEST LINK:

HARRY POTTER EDITION

Everyone was bored, just an average day in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry....... or was it? In a 'PUFF' of smoke Harry, Ron and Hermione disappear from the Gryffindor common room. In the staff room Professors McGonagall and Snape were grading papers, in-between shooting dirty looks at one another and 'POOF' there gone too. Somewhere in London Moony and Padfoot are sitting, relaxing and 'PUFF' are gone just like that. Draco Malfoy is pacing the Slytherin common room when in yet another 'POOF' of smoke is gone. And finally Voldemort (who will hereby be known as Voldie from now on, cause it's funny) is plotting some evil mischief, in a dark cave in Albania and suddenly 'PUFF' has vanished into thin air. Our rather unfortunate victims... ER HEROES, yes heroes find themselves in a muggle T.V studio. Currently only Harry, Ron and Hermione have arrived.

HERMIONE: UH-OH!

HARRY: Wha- OH!... UH-OH!

RON: UH-OH? What's the UH-OH for?

HERMIONE: Do you really want to know!?

RON: ER ...... maybe not

(Out of the air the rest of our victims/heroes fall)

MINERVA: What the HELL is going on here!!!

SNAPE: Minerva can you please get off me, your squashing me!

MINERVA: EWWWWWWWWW............ I landed on Severus!!!!!!!

ALL: EEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! MENTAL IMAGE!!!!!!!!

RON: (notices Voldie for first time) IT'S... IT'S.. AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VOLDIE: All tremble before the Dark Lord... BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

MINERVA: Oh shut up Voldie!!!

(Receives odd stares)

MINERVA: WHAT!! Oh come on you know this is bound to be one of those badfic things, the author isn't going to let that creep hurt us!!!

ALL: -Nod-

REMUS: You know, I agree with Minerva.

VOLDIE: Like I care (Takes out wand, points it at Harry) AVADA KED...... Hey what the hells going on here! My wands gone!!!!!!!!

MV: Voldie, did you honestly think i'd let you kill one of my contestants. I DON'T THINK SO!!

REMUS: See told you Minerva was right.

SIRIUS: Contestants????

MV: Ah, Padfoot straight to the point

SIRIUS: How does she know my nickname?

MINERVA: Shes an author, she knows more about us then we'd like.

ALL: -Shudder-

MV: Too true. Well down to the point, You people have been specially chosen to appear on a once in a lifetime edition of THE WEAKEST LINK!!!!

HARRY & HERMIONE: OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

MV: OH YES!!!!

RON: Care to explain guys?

HARRY: Well it's a muggle game show

SIRIUS: Gameshow?????

HERMIONE: People go on them to try and win things, you know money, holidays and end up getting totally humiliated

VOLDIE: Oh! I like the sound of this!

MV: You won't when your in one HE-HE!!!

REMUS: Anywho, what about the weakest link?

HARRY: Well it's the worst for humiliating people. It's got this evil Bh presenter, who makes everyone look like

an idiot. She's EVIL!!

HERMIONE: Yeah she's a DEMON!!

MV: Yep, your right there Harry, and since we have our contestants, we really need our host. (Boxing announcer style) Presenting my fellow Liverpudllian and compatriot in crime Miss Anne Rob-in-son!!!!!!

HARRY & HERMIONE: AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(A/N: A little enthusiastic there soz)

HERMIONE: The horror!!!!!!! The horror!!!!!!

SNAPE: Shut up Granger! 10 Points from Gryffindor for repetition.

MV: HEY!! No taking house points, only me and Anne can be mean to you guys.

ANNE: Too True!! (Glares at Snape) Any Problems!!

SNAPE: (Cowering) No Mam.

ANNE: GOOD!!!!!

MINERVA: (Slightly peeved) HEY!! Only I'M allowed to antagonise Severus!!

ANNE: You OBVIOUSLY have never met me!!

MV: (Worried) Hey Peeps chill!! Minerva usually you are the only allowed, but if you and Anne work together it will be soooo much more entertaining for everyone except Snape, Voldie and possibly Draco...... Nah just Snape and Voldie!!!!

SNAPE & VOLDIE: HEY!! NO FAIR!!!!

VOLDIE:(Severly P.O) MY NAME IS VOLDEMORT V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T, NOT VOLDIE!

MINERVA & ANNE: Hey MV, you got a point there! Shut Up VOLDIE

VOLDIE: GAAAAGGHHH!!!!

HARRY: (To Ron, Hermione, Sirius & Lupin) You know I'm starting to get just a wee bit scared

ALL: -Nod-

REMUS: Who for? Us or Voldemort

HARRY: Us mainly, but anyone having BOTH Anne Robinson and McGonagall on their back is in real trouble

HERMIONE: UH-HUH!

SIRIUS: She can't be that bad, can she? I mean she's only a muggle.

ANNE: What was that BLACK!!!!!!!

SIRIUS: (Cowering) Nothing Mam (Whispers) Geez she's scary!!!

ALL: -Nod-

MV: Hey peeps, before we go on stage, I have a few rules to enforce he-he!

1) No taking house points! were not in Hogwarts so it doesn't count. That means YOU Snape!!

SNAPE: DAMN!!!

MV: 2) No transfiguring contestants or death attempts unless I say!!

MINERVA & VOLDIE: DAMN!!!!!

MV: 3) No slagging people off during filming, unless I allow it!!

SIRIUS & DRACO: DAMN!!!!

MV: Finally 4) Any curses, hexes etc. will not be tolerated and WILL result in your wands being taken away or something much worse, as will any of the rules being broken CAPICE!!!

ALL: DOUBLE DAMN!!!!!

MV: Let's get this show on the road!!

ALL: Do we have too!!

MV: Yes you do!!! now, places people!!!!

(Everyone rather grudgingly goes to their podium)

MV: Okay, LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!!!!!!

(Weakest Link theme music comes on)

ANNE: Welcome to the Weakest Link, each of the contestants today has been brought to the studio for no particular reason other than to be tormented and generally tortured by me and the Mysterious Voice.

MV: WOO go us!!!

ANNE: Quite so!

ALL: -Groan-

ANNE: Okay lets play the Weakest Link!

MV: Okay people time to introduce yourselves, read the cue cards please.

REMUS: Cue cards??

MV: Just read them!!

ALL: ULP!! Okay.

(camera pans to McGonagall)

MINERVA: Hi I'm Minerva, I'm not telling you my age! I teach the art of transfiguration at Hogwarts and am head of Gryffindor house.

MV: Yay go Minnie your No 1!!!

MINERVA: -Blushes-

SNAPE: OH GREAT!!! A Minerva lover!!

MV: Oh shut up Snape!!!

(Snape gets electric shock)

SNAPE: HEY NO FAIR!!!!!! Who do you think you are Pikachu or something!!!!

(Gets shocked again)

VOLDIE: (Sing song) HA HA!! Snape got shocked!! Snape got shocked!!

MV: SHUT UP VOLDIE!!

(Gets shocked also)

ALL BAR VOLDIE & SNAPE: -Snigger- Way to go MV!!!!!

MV: Thank you! But anyway back to the show!

ANNE: NEXT!!

(Camera pans to Remus)

REMUS: ER... Hi I'm Remus, I'm 35 years old. I'm the resident werewolf and one time DADA Professor at Hogwarts.

(A/N: Defence Against Dark Arts)

ANNE: Next please!!

(Camera falls on Sirius)

SIRIUS: Hey! I'm Sirius, I'm also 35. Currently I'm on the run for a crime I didn't commit and I'm Harry's godfather.

ANNE: Who's next!!

(Camera goes to Harry)

HARRY: Hi, I'm Harry, I'm 15 years old and I'm a student at Hogwarts. I play Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

ANNE: Nice to see you, Next!!

(Camera pans to Hermione)

HERMIONE: Hi I'm Hermione, I'm also 15 and a Gryffindor and the only one with any damn sense around here except Minerva!

ANNE: R-ight NEXT!!

(Camera falls on Ron)

RON: Hey! I'm Ron, I'm 15 and I'm the sixth Weasley in the current line to go to Hogwarts, I am also a Gryffindor.

ANNE: 'Kay...... Oh Great! Here come the gits!

DRACO, SNAPE & VOLDIE: HEY!!!!!!

MV: Aw shut up!!!!

(Camera falls on Draco)

DRACO: Hello there, I'm Draco, I'm 15 and a fifth year Slytherin. I'm filthy rich and seriously lack any real personality...... Hey!!!! how come I get slagged off.

MV: Because your a Slytherin, be grateful I didn't put anything worse down.

VOLDIE & SNAPE: UH-OH!!

ANNE: NEXT!

(Camera on Snape)

SNAPE: I refuse to read that!!!

MV: Read it. OR ELSE!!!

SNAPE: NA-AH, No way!!!

MV:(starting to get annoyed) Snape, I'm warning you!!!!!

SNAPE: Warn me all you want, I'm not doing it!!!!

MV: FINE!!! Have it your way!!!

(Snape gets shocked again)

SNAPE: Okay, OKAY!!! I'll read the damn card!!!!!

MV: GOOD!!

SIRIUS: Gotta admire her methods

ALL BAR SNAPE: -Nod-

(Camera back on Snape)

SNAPE: Humph!!! (V. unenthusiastically) Hello, my name is Severus Snape, I'm the potions master at Hogwarts, I seriously lack any personal hygiene and generally I'm the most unpleasant person on the planet.

ALL: -Burst out laughing- THAT IS SOOOO TRUE!!!!!!

SNAPE: THERE I SAID IT WILL YOU STOP BLOODY SHOCKING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

MV: Sure! Just stop screwing around.

ANNE: Finally!

VOLDIE: I'm Lord Voldemort, not Voldie, all shall fear me BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(Gets shocked)

MV: Just stick to the card VOLDIE! or I'll make it sooo bad for you!!

VOLDIE: GRRRR... fine. I'm a lot older than you are MV..

MV: Don't I know it!

VOLDIE: .. And I'm most well known for being defeated by him (Jabs thumb at Harry, who grins)....................... You

just had to bring that up didn't you!!

MV: YEP!!!!!

HARRY: (To Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Lupin) You know I'm really starting to like MV, we might just survive this.

ALL MENTIONED ABOVE: -Nod vindictively-

ANNE: Right on with the show

ALL: -GROAN-


	2. Round One: Begin

A/N: Back with more Weakest link!! Enjoy and review if you like. Also any questions/ Themes for rounds will be appreciated. E-mail them to me! Bye Peeps

ROUND ONE: BEGIN

We find our heroes still trapped in the T.V studio ready to face the terror of the weakest link. After the introductions the mysterious voice (namely me) allowed a little break as everyone was still adjusting to this bizarre situation. During this break the mysterious voice had a bit of an idea ( pretty good for me) why don't we give the round a theme to make things, well, more interesting ..... HeHeHe!

MV: Hey peep's I'm back

ALL: -Groan-

MV: And there was me thinking you were pleased to see me!

SIRIUS: Of course were not. You've trapped us in everyone's worst nightmare!!!!!

MV: Really?!? COOL!!!

ALL: -Shake head-

MV: Ah don't act like that or I won't tell you my idea!

DRACO: (hopefully) Your going to let us go!!!

MV: No Way!! Actually it was that I've decided to theme the rounds, you know to make it more enjoyable

MINERVA: Who for? You or us!!

MV: Me and my readers mainly, but I suppose you might find some of it entertaining.

ALL: READERS!!!!!!!!

MV: (Sarcastically) Er.. yeah, what else do you think I do this for, the good of my health!!

SIRIUS: Jesus!!!!!!! You torture us for no particular reason other than you hate us!!!!!!

MV: Actually I love you all except Voldie, platonic for girls obviously.

REMUS:( Losing it slightly) THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!

MV: Whoah Remus!!! I don't really know, I was bored, I needed something to do.

ALL: -Gawp at air- YOU WERE BORED, YOU ARE TORTURING US BECAUSE YOU WERE BORED!!!!!

MV: Er....Yeah

ALL: ..... PSYCHO!!!!!

MV: Thanks, that's the nicest compliment I've had all day

ALL: ..... PSYCHO!!!!!

MV: Enough chatter! You've had you break!! Now on with the show!!!...... Oh yeah before I forget the first round's theme is HAWAIIAN MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

HARRY & HERMIONE: UH-OH!!!

OTHERS: HUH??????

( Everyone is then magically put into costume, the girls have the hula skirts and bikini tops on, while the boys have HIDEOUS Hawaiian shirts and surfer shorts on)

ALL: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

MINERVA: This is so degrading

ALL (ADULT) MALES: Hey you look pretty good in that grass skirt thingy Minerva!!

MINERVA: (Glares murderously at all adult males) MV, I am so going to kill you when this is over

HERMIONE: -Glares at boys before they say anything-

MV: OKAY!! Round one begin

(Anne comes back on set)

ANNE: Great let's begin, you have three minutes starting with Draco as his name is first alphabetically.

DRACO: Woo I rule!!!

ANNE: Start the clock. Draco- what was the name of the Bulgarian seeker at the last Quidditch world cup?

DRACO: Easy, Viktor Krum

MV: -Muttering- Smug git

ANNE: Correct! Snape- where does the name Dumbledore originally come from?

SNAPE: -Fuming- How come I get the bloody hard ones!!!!!!!

MV: Because it's amusing to see you lose your rag

(A/N: For those of you not accustom to Northen English terminology RAGTEMPER, though you might appreciate that, PLEASE Don't take offence!!)

ALL: -Nod agreeingly-

SNAPE: -Glares- FINE I DON'T BLOODY KNOW, THERE YOU HAPPY NOW!!!!!!

ANNE: The correct answer is that it comes from the old English for bumblebee.

SNAPE: -REALLY losing it- HOW THE F$£ HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT

MV: SNAPE!!!! Watch your damn language or i'll shock you again

SNAPE: Er.. Sorry

ANNE: Better, Eh-Hem Voldie (Voldie glares) What is a Bezoar?

ALL BAR VOLDIE: That is soooo easy

VOLDIE: Er...Er..Er... pass

ALL: -Gawk at Voldie- WHAT!!!!

SNAPE: Even first years know THAT!!!!

HARRY: I thought he was supposed to be smart!!??!!

MV: Cunning yes!! Smart NOOOOOO!!!

VOLDIE: -glares at air-

MINERVA:(Really, REALLY P.O) SHUT UP AND GET A MOVE ON THE SOONER WE FINISH THE ROUND THE SOONER I GET OUT OF RIDICULOUS COSTUME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANNE: Er.. Okay, Minerva- Name the writer of Macbeth, which portrays three witches in it?

MINERVA: Oh, oh oh I know this... we did it in Muggle studies, God that was a l-o-n-g time ago, Er.. William, William Shakespeare

ANNE: Correct, Er.. whats a Muggle??

MV: None magical person.

ANNE: Oh right. Remus- Who invented the sneakoscope?

REMUS: Hmm... It's Edgar Stroulgar

ANNE: Correct! Sirius- During what period was the wizard Merlin around?

SIRIUS: The medival Period??

ANNE: Correct!

SIRIUS: WOO in your face Snape I got mine right and you didn't -pulls tounge-

MV: Eh-hem, Sirius

SIRIUS: Whoops er.. sorry.

ANNE: Harry- what is the name of the potion that allows a werewolf to keep it's mind during a transformation?

HARRY: Oh.... The Wolfsbane Potion

ANNE: Correct! Hermione what is the name of the wizard Albus Dumbledore defeated in 1945?

HERMIONE: -sighs- The wizard Grindelwald

ANNE: Correct! Ron- What does the school motto 'Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titilandus' actually mean?

RON: -Grins triumphantly- Never tickle a sleeping Dragon

ANNE: Correct!

DRACO: BANK!!

ANNE: Draco (End of round music sounds)... Your out of time, I can't begin the question. In that round you managed to win a reasonable 700 Galleons?

MV: Wizard money

ANNE: Oh... I ask you, Who here has outstayed their welcome, who's intelligence is as bad as their hygiene

SNAPE: Hey!! That was aimed at me wasn't it!!!

ALL: -roll eyes- Er.. yeah DUH!!

ANNE: It's time to vote off the Weakest Link!!

MV: In that round Draco was the strongest link as her answered his question right and banked money for the team. The weakest link was Voldie as he got a simple question wrong and acted like a prat.

ANNE: Hey MV, you know after this is over do you want a job you are so much better than my usual guy.

VOICE OVER BLOKE: HEY!! YOU CAN'T SACK ME I'M AN ACTOR!!!!!

ANNE & MV: SHUT UP, SHE/I CAN SACK YOU IF SHE/I BLOODY WELL WANTS TOO!!!!!

VOICE OVER BLOKE: Fine –sniff- I know where I'm not wanted!

ANNE: GOOD! Now clear off.

SIRIUS: God! She IS evil.

ALL: -nod-

ANNE: Okay, time to reveal who you think is the weakest link

MINERVA: Voldie

REMUS: Voldie

SIRIUS: Voldie

HARRY: Voldie

HERMIONE: Voldie

RON: Voldie

DRACO: Voldie

VOLDIE: HEY!! You're a Slytherin your supposed to be on my side, I'm the heir of Slytherin

DRACO: Oh get over it!! You STUNK, enough said!!!

ANNE: Ah-Hem, can we please carry on with this.

SNAPE: Voldie

VOLDIE: -mutters- Why you little….

(gets shocked)

MV: I heard that Voldie, and that's classed as slagging off, and since I've already taken your wand I must resort to alternative methods. He-He-He!!

VOLDIE: I didn't even say it!!!

MV: Yeah but you were going to say it, so I prevented you from doing it

ALL: -Look very confused-

MINERVA: Did that make any sense

ALL: -Shake heads-

ANNE: Can we please finish, I need a cappachino

VOLDIE: Harry

HARRY: HEY!! What did I do, I got my question right.

VOLDIE: Please, as if it isn't obvious

HARRY: That is SOOOO childish, you vote me because I foiled your evil schemes

(A/N: Scooby Doo moment or what, all we need now is for Voldie to say 'And I would have succeeded if it weren't for that pesky kid'……… eh where was I, Whoops went a wee bit off topic there must be the caffine rambling- SOZ!)

ANNE: Minerva, why choose Voldie

MINERVA: Do I really have to give a reason?

MV: Er.. yeah, but you now have permission to slag him off

MINERVA: Really…… YES!!! –said very quickly- Okay he's an obnoxious S.O.B who is about as smart as a toenail clipping and couldn't string a complete

sentence together even if it was written in front of him –takes deep breaths-

ANNE: Anything else?

MINERVA: Oh yeah and he got an EASY question wrong

HARRY: Way to go Professor McGonagall!!

RON: YEAH! Power to the good guys

ANNE: Right Voldie with a unanimous vote you are the weakest link… GOODBYE!!!

(Voldie skulks off stage)

VOLDIE: -in background-I'll get you for this, no one humiliates Lord Voldie, er Voldemort and gets away with it MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

MV: OH FOR GODS SAKE!!!

VOLDIE: -offstage- ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! –has been shocked-

MV: Much better, he was planning several death attempts and since he was still in the studio it still counts!!!

ALL: YES!!! NICE ONE MV.

MV: Right now the rounds over, lets get rid of the costumes.

ALL: WOOOO THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

MV: Alright don't be too happy about it. Anywho, time I believe, for a little break


	3. Round Two: Things are getting UGLY!

ROUND TWO: THINGS ARE GETTING UGLY  
  
Things are looking pretty bad for our heroes. Already certain rivalries are proving a bit of a strain. (Namely Sirius & Remus Vs Snape and Minerva Vs Snape.) Will they crack under these extreme conditions, who knows. The MV is taking bets on who's gonna try and kill Anne first, In a banzai* style way. If you're right you get nothing but that feeling of superiority He-He- He. Anyway several arguments have already broken out about the last round. Even though they managed to win a reasonable 700 Galleons. Will they do better? Will they do worse? It's all up to you….. and me of course since I'm writing the damn thing.  
  
(* Banzai is a mad Japanese betting show on U.K TV- for those of you who didn't know, for those of you who did sorry for boring you)  
  
MINERVA: SEVERUS IF YOU EVER CALL ME A STUPID WOMAN AGAIN I'LL ……..Why is every one staring at me?  
  
ALL BAR SNAPE: We want to know what you're going to do to him  
  
SNAPE: I don't, I REALLY don't  
  
ALL: Shut up  
  
SIRIUS: Professor please continue  
  
MINERVA: I'LL TURN YOU INTO A FROG AND SELL YOU TO THE FRENCH AS AN OUDURVE  
  
SIRIUS: Right… Er anything else  
  
MINERVA: Well either that or I'll kick him in the goolies*  
  
(A/N: *Private parts)  
  
ALL MALES: OOOOOO harsh.  
  
MINERVA: I know –smiles evilly-  
  
HARRY: Professor McGonagall smiling !?!...... SCARY!!  
  
ALL BAR SNAPE: -Nod- VERY scary!!!  
  
SNAPE: What do you mean her smiling is scary. I'm more concerned about what she's going to do to ME!!!  
  
RON: Yeah but nobody really cares about you do they?  
  
(A/N: Snape lovers DON'T FLAME. I don't mean it really mean –cowering under rain of blows- r..ea..lly)  
  
SNAPE: I need a hug  
  
ALL BAR SNAPE: -Stare-  
  
DRACO: I think his sanity has left the building  
  
MV: REALLY!!  
  
ALL: -Jump in shock- Will you please quit doing that!!  
  
MV: NOPE!! Great! The more nutty you go the better  
  
REMUS: Is it me or did the MV have a VERY disturbed child hood  
  
ALL: -Nod-  
  
MV: Er … excuse me MR I'M SO SMART. For your information I'm still living through my childhood so there  
  
ALL ADULTS: YOU'RE A KID!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MV: Er.. YEAH, well not a kid, a teenager to be precise.  
  
ALL ADULTS: -GROAN-  
  
RON: WHOOH!! Power to the teenagers!!  
  
ALL ADULTS: -glare-  
  
SNAPE: This is unbelievable!! We thought you were an adult  
  
MV: Oh come on, did you honestly think an adult is doing this – breaks into hysterical laughter-  
  
(Ten minutes later)  
  
MV: Right calmed down now, really ME an adult –sniggers- you guys crack me up. What did I have to tell you… Oh Yeah!! Time to go back on set  
  
ALL: -Groan-  
  
MV: And the theme for this round is….. Old Murder Mystery Movies. He-He-He- He-He-  
  
ALL: ????????????  
  
( With everyone feeling a tad confused (Including the author) they are put into their costumes. The girls are placed into those REALLY long, REALLY heavy dresses and the boys are all dressed up in posh, swanky suits. Except Snape who is dressed like a maid (A/N: Don't ask, because I have no idea, it just kind of occurred to me.))  
  
SNAPE: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
(A/N: Again Snape fans PLEASE don't hurt or flame me!!!)  
  
ALL OTHERS: -burst into mad hysterical laughter-  
  
RON: I think I'm scarred for life  
  
HERMIONE: What do you mean THINK!?!?! I AM!!!!!  
  
SIRIUS: (To Remus) God! what I wouldn't think for a camera right about now.  
  
REMUS: I know -smiles evilly- Imagine the blackmail  
  
BOTH OF THEM: -smile REALLY REALLY evilly-  
  
DRACO: At least these are better than last time.  
  
MINERVA: WHAT!!! I can barely stand up  
  
DRACO: So your saying you'd rather have the Grass skirt thingy back on again!  
  
MINERVA: NO!! I'm just saying it's JUST as bad as last time  
  
DRACO: Sure Professor... I believe you, millions wouldn't  
  
MINERVA: Malfoy when we get back you are getting about a month's detention  
  
DRACO: WHAT FOR!!!!  
  
MINERVA: Antagonising a teacher.  
  
DRACO: Damn. Hey MV doesn't she get shocked for that?  
  
MV: Er.. no, she's found a loop hole, I forgot to include detentions in the rules so she can do that. Anywho she's my FAV character so I wouldn't shock her anyway, unless I really had to.  
  
DRACO: Ah what a drag!  
  
(Anne comes back on stage)  
  
ANNE: Oh GOD!! MV what did you come up with this time.  
  
MV: Er.. Sorry Anne, I was reading Her2eternity's fic and I kinda felt inspired.  
  
ANNE: Right.... But why a maid??  
  
MV: -shrugs- Dunno, like I said Her2eternity inspired me for it. Read her fic and find out!! Though I would not advise Snape to read it coz hers is WAY worse than mine.  
  
SNAPE: WHY!! WHY!! Why do people torture me  
  
MV: Hey I do it because it's funny.....  
  
ALL BAR SNAPE: -Nod-  
  
MV: And Her2eternity loves (and I means LOVES) you as you will find out if you read her fics though I would advise you against it Snape, you might not be prepared for it.  
  
(A/N: I AM NOT ADVISING READERS NOT TO READ HER WORK- READ IT, IT'S HILARIOUS SO HER2ETERNITY IF YOU READ THIS DON'T TAKE OFFENCE YOU RULE!)  
  
SNAPE: Why?  
  
MV: Do you really want to know?  
  
SNAPE: -Shakes head-  
  
ANNE: Can we PLEASE get on with the show.  
  
MV: Sure, sorry for holding you up.  
  
ANNE: Okay, In the last round you earned 700 Galleons. In this round ten seconds will be taken from the clock and we will start with Draco as he was the strongest link from the last round.  
  
DRACO: WOO I rule, Gryffindor's drool!!!  
  
(Get's shocked)  
  
MV: That's counted as slagging off Draco  
  
DRACO: Er.. sorry  
  
ANNE: Right lets play the weakest link! (Mad music comes on) Start the clock. Draco- Give two of the four founders of Hogwarts?  
  
DRACO: Salazar Slytherin and.. and.. Godric Gyrffindor  
  
ANNE: Correct... Snape- Who created the Phillosophers Stone?  
  
SNAPE: Nicholas Flammel  
  
ANNE: -shocked- Correct. Minerva- Who was headmaster of Hogwarts before Albus Dumbledore  
  
MINERVA: Armando Dippet  
  
ANNE: Correct. Remus what is the art of being able to talk to snakes called?  
  
REMUS: Parslemouth  
  
ANNE: Or parsletounge correct. Sirius- Ludo Bagman played what position for the Windborne Wasps?  
  
SIRIUS: If I remember correctly he was a... Beater  
  
ANNE: Corrcet.  
  
HARRY: BANK!!  
  
ANNE: Right.. Harry- What is the name of the potion which allows a person to take on the apperance of another for a short amount of time?  
  
HARRY: Polyjuice potion.  
  
ANNE: Correct. Hermione- who is the author of Curses and Counter Curses?  
  
HERMIONE: Professor Vindictus Veridian  
  
ANNE: Correct. Ron- Which Dragon has the more deadly poison. Norwegian Ridgeback or Hungarian Horntail.  
  
RON: Erm... er the Horntail  
  
ANNE: Wrong. It's the Ridgeback  
  
RON: Damn!  
  
DRACO: Bank!!  
  
MV: Draco you dolt, you can only bank if you have MONEY  
  
DRACO: But I do!  
  
MV: I mean on the show  
  
DRACO: Oh ...Right!!  
  
ANNE: Hey MV, your wasting time here and i get paid for asking questions and i ain't doing that at the moment, so cut out the arguement.  
  
MV: HEY!! Don't you tell me what to do!!!!!  
  
(Anne gets shocked )  
  
ALL: WOOOOO go MV, down with the demon!!!!!!  
  
ANNE: -Glares Vindictively-  
  
MV: Opps I think I hacked her off  
  
ALL: OPPS!!!! You know she's gonna take it out on us  
  
MV: Er.. Yeah, I was kinda planning on that she was being too nice.  
  
ANNE: HEY!! I am not nice!!  
  
RON: If that's her being nice I'd hate to see her nasty.  
  
ALL: -Nod in agreement-  
  
ANNE: Anyway back to the show. Draco- Who is the head of Department of magical cooperation  
  
DRACO: Er... Er.. Pass.  
  
ANNE: The correct answer is Bartemius Crouch you little moron  
  
MV: Looks like I REALLY hacked her off.  
  
ALL: -Groan-  
  
ANNE: Snape, you filthy git - What is the most important ingrediant of Polyjuice Potion?  
  
SNAPE: A piece of the person  
  
(A/N: That sounds nasty don't it, ah well)  
  
ANNE: Correct. Minerva-  
  
MINERVA: Whaaaaaaa!!!!!! -falls over backwards due to heaviness of the dress- BANK!!!  
  
RON: -Laughs-  
  
( End of Round music sounds)  
  
ANNE: Nevermind. In that round you managed to bank a truly pathetic 320 Galleons. I implore you ditch the DUNG - bell  
  
SNAPE: That was another dig at me wasn't it!!!!  
  
ANNE: -sarcastic- Really you don't say. Lose the loser, time to vote off the weakest link.  
  
MV: In that round Ron was the weakest link as he got his only question wrong. The strongest link was.... Oh your kiddin' me, oh they ain't gonna like that. The strongest link was .. Snape as he answere all his questions correctly. But lets see if the votes follow the facts.  
  
ANNE: Time to reveal who you think is the weakest link  
  
MINERVA: Ron, sorry Weasley  
  
REMUS: Snape  
  
SIRIUS: Snape  
  
HARRY: Draco  
  
HERMIONE: Draco  
  
RON: Draco  
  
DRACO: Ron  
  
SNAPE: Ron  
  
ANNE: It appears we have a tie  
  
ALL: -Sarcastic- NOOOO  
  
ANNE: -Glares- anyway in a tie, the strongest link casts the deciding vote. In this round it was Snape.  
  
ALL BAR SNAPE & DRACO: -Groan-  
  
ANNE: Snape who will you get rid of, Ron or Draco  
  
SNAPE: Ron, for the no one really like you comment -nasty grin-  
  
ANNE: Ron you ae the weakest link... GOODBYE  
  
RON: Ah- well, see you guys later  
  
( Walks off stage)  
  
MV: Meanwhile backstage  
  
( Ron is being asked a question)  
  
RON: I don't know who'll get voted off next, but I hope Sirius beats up Snape.  
  
MV: Hey I might just put that in.  
  
RON: Really!!! Wa-Hooo!!  
  
(Back in studio)  
  
MV: Okay Peeps time for your break, I just gotta figure out a few things.  
  
ALL: AH-HEM  
  
MV: What? Oh right... the costumes -hear a click noise- there you happy now  
  
(Costumes have gone)  
  
ALL: NO!!  
  
MV: Typical!! Anyway see you later. #


	4. Round Three: Snape Vs EVERYONE?

ROUND THREE: SNAPE VS EVERYONE??  
  
We find our hero's in the waiting room after a rather disasterous round. In which the team scored a pretty bad 320 Galleons. At the end of which Ron was voted off, much to Gryffindor disgust, so lets just say tempers are running high. In retaliation the Gryffindors.... er .. have gathered together to form a lynch mob in order to exact some vengence, so are things hotting up or WHAT??? Lets see how their getting on (He he)  
  
SNAPE: Come on People... act rational..  
  
MINERVA: Since when have we been rational people Severus. Okay Gryffindors.... On the count of three  
  
SNAPE: .....EEP!!!!!  
  
SIRIUS: -Grinning madly- This is gonna be SWEET!!!!!!  
  
REMUS: - Also Grinning madly- I totally agree with you!!!  
  
MINERVA: ONE!!!!!!!  
  
HERMIONE: I NEVER thought I'd se the day when Prof McGonagall was leading a lynch mob against Snape.  
  
HARRY: Me neither, but it's gonna be fun and we'll NEVER get another chance like this ever again!  
  
MINERVA: TWO!!!!!  
  
HERMIONE: Isn't this well ... a little bit.... wrong  
  
SIRIUS: Oh be quiet Hermione!! your ruining a perfect moment..... I've wanted to do this for years!!!  
  
HARRY: Well said Sirius... -Hermione glares at him- Sorry Herm but i'm with him...... this is far too good to miss  
  
HERMIONE: -Happily- OKAY I'M CONVINCED!!!  
  
MINERVA: THREE!!!!!!! CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SNAPE: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! -Runs trying to escape-  
  
MINERVA: -Impatiently running after him- Oh take it like a man Severus!!  
  
(All Gryffindors pounce on Snape)  
  
SNAPE: MALFOY HELP ME!!!!!!  
  
DRACO: NO WAY!!!!! This is way too entertaining!!!!  
  
SNAPE: -Strangled cry- MALFOY!!!!!  
  
(Snape is now getting seven shades of s*@% kicked out of him)  
  
MV: Hey Peeps!!............ Uh oh..... I SHOULD have seen this coming and here's me not prepared!!!  
  
SNAPE: -Muffled cry under bodies- MV HELP ME!!!!!!!  
  
MV: -Yells- Okay EVERYONE STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Everyone freezes in place)  
  
MV: Right nobody move!!!  
  
(Footsteps echo and a flushing toilet is heard)  
  
MV: Right back now!!!  
  
DRACO: What was all that about??  
  
MV: Er... toilet break... Anywho enough talk..... GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
ALL GRYFFINDORS: WAHOOO FREE FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MV: Now this is entertainment -munches on popcorn-  
  
After about twenty minutes the mysterious voice had to (Rather grudgingly) stop the fight due to powers greater than even herself. Namely her parents (who deplore of the violence- Snape got lucky this time) and the studio managers who gave us the usual threat of 'If there not out there in two minutes you can kiss the studio goodbye' so I had to bow down and wreck my entertainment (DAM!!) But we NEED the studio.  
  
MV: Okay Peeps all feeling better now. Exacted some vengence, vented some frustration!!  
  
ALL GRYFFINDORS: -happily- YEP!!!  
  
SNAPE: NO!!!! I'm not feeling better at ALL!!  
  
MV: Oh stop moaning.. you got what you deserved!  
  
SNAPE: Fine, say what you like just help me next time!!  
  
MV: - Sarcastic honesty- Sure Snape....... -mutters aside- ...NOT!  
  
SNAPE: - Harshly- What was that!!!  
  
MV: Er... Nothing. Anywho we gotta get on the set, the managers are going NUTS!!  
  
(The guys enter the studio, all but Snape resonably cheerful -Anne enters-)  
  
ANNE: Right i am NOT in a good mood.. someone swiped my popcorn and i am REALLY annoyed  
  
ALL: -Look up at air-  
  
MV: Er... Sorry Anne that was me... sorry, if it's any consoulation it went toward a good cause...  
  
ALL: -Confused stares-  
  
ANNE: Well that's no good! Thanks a lot MV that was my last bag  
  
MV: Er.. yet again I apologise......... Anyway enough jabbering let's get going!  
  
ALL: GROAN!!!  
  
SIRIUS: Er... MV can I ask a question..?  
  
ANNE: NO!! I ask the questions around here!!  
  
MV: Anne SHUT UP! Of course you can Padfoot  
  
HARRY: Aw....... she used your nickname Sirius  
  
SIRIUS: Harry..... Shut Up!!  
  
HARRY: Heh-heh-heh!!  
  
MV: Anywho what did you want to ask?  
  
SIRIUS: Erm... Well you know the money were... er winning?  
  
MV: -unsure-Yeah.....  
  
SIRIUS: So.... er what ae we going to do with it after you know all this is over..?  
  
MV: Hmm, good question... if you give me a second all will be explained -Rustling paper is heard-  
  
ALL: -Blank faces- ????  
  
MV: Right here it is..... According to our agreement with Gringotts, 'The winner of "The weakest link" will be able to donate the money won to a charity which they feel is deserving of the money' so does that answer your question Padfoot!  
  
SIRIUS: Er.. Yeah!  
  
SNAPE & MALFOY: YOU WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MV: HUH?!?  
  
DRACO: What about us we NEED that money!!!  
  
MV: -Slightly annoyed- DRACO!! Don't be so DAMNED selfish!!  
  
DRACO: Why not??  
  
MV: -Even more annoyed- Because it's so MEAN, You big MEANIE!!!  
  
MINERVA: Hey MV calm down, I think it's a great idea, give to the needy  
  
SNAPE: -Mutters- You would.... (Gets shocked.... again) DAM you MV!!! (Get shocked 'sigh' yet again) - mutter mutinously-  
  
MV: -Really REALLY annoyed now- Thank you very much Snape and Malfoy, your support is warming. If you couldn't tell I was being sarcastic. (Simpsons moment- he-he I Luv that show)  
  
ALL: Right.....  
  
MV: Well it's time to announce my theme for this round  
  
ALL: GROAN!!!!  
  
MV: And because certain people have been MEAN and put me in a VERY bad mood, I've decided to be nasty to EVERYONE -EVIL laugh-  
  
ALL: EEPP !!!!  
  
MV: The theme is Drag dressing MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
HARRY & HERMIONE: -Look TOTALLY Horrified- Uh... Oh  
  
REMUS: Dare I ask...  
  
HERMIONE: TRUST me you REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DO NOT want to know!!!  
  
MV: Yeah but they'll find out in a minute -clicks fingers-  
  
ALL:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (A/N: Went REALLY over the top there, but it does show horridness of this scene- I LUV being evil HAHAHA)  
  
ANNE: Are you TRYING to permanently warp my mind  
  
MV: Er.. Maybe!! -Snigger-  
  
(I am not going to descirbe the scene- Use your imagination it's just to -shudder- Horrid to write, even I amaze myself sometimes at my warped imagination)  
  
MINERVA: For once I'm not complaining about the costumes, I think I got off pretty easy this time.  
  
HERMIONE: I agree.  
  
ALL MEN: -To shocked to speak- (A/N: And we all know why, If you don't look it up!!)  
  
HARRY: This is SO degrading  
  
DRACO: THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. MV PUT ME BACK IN NORMAL CLOTHES RIGHT NOW OR MY FATHER'LL!!!!!!...................  
  
MINERVA: Your Father'll do WHAT Malfoy??  
  
DRACO: Er... Er..  
  
MINERVA: Exactly NOTHING -Highly amused-  
  
DRACO: Hey MV she's insulting me, why don't you shock HER!!  
  
MV: As I have explained numerous times Minerva is my FAV character and I will not shock her unless ABSOULTELY nessicary. And secondly she didn't technically Insult anyone.  
  
DRACO: Yet again DAM!!  
  
MV: Stop complaining Draco, we all know this is what you get up to at home anyway .....  
  
DRACO: WHAT!!!!!!! That Is SOOO no true  
  
MV:.........-Whispers to Gryffindors- I have proof if you'd like it for blackmail.  
  
ALL GRYFFINDORS: -Grin VERY evily-  
  
SNAPE & DRACO: -Look bewildered-  
  
MV: W..ell enough talk, On with the show!!!!!!!!  
  
(Music comes on)  
  
ANNE: Right after that rather horrid shock...  
  
ALL MEN: DAM RIGHT A HORRID SHOCK!!!!!!!!  
  
ANNE: We will start the round. As we all know Snape was the strongest link in the last round and so we'll start with him. Ten more seconds have been taken of the clock, which will start..... Now!!! Snape- How many registered Animagi have there been in the last century?  
  
SNAPE: Er.. Erm.. Six??  
  
ANNE: WRONG nancy boy it's seven  
  
SNAPE: -Looks deeply offended-  
  
MV: Looks like she's still bitter about the popcorn... Ah Well.....  
  
ALL: GROAN!!  
  
ANNE: Minerva- What is the main ingrediant of a Cofusion Concoction?  
  
MINERVA: Erm..... Crap potions never was my strong point, er... Tumbleweed..?  
  
ANNE: -Slightly surprised- Correct  
  
MINERVA: -Haughtily- No need to sound so surprised Anne.  
  
ANNE: Anyway Remus- What is the record score in a Quidditch match set by the Irish last year?  
  
REMUS: Heh heh I know this 640- nil, I think.  
  
ANNE: Correct! Sirius- What was the name of the first racing broom ever invented?  
  
SIRIUS: Oh.. oh I know this. Er...... Er... Wait it's coming.. got it, POLARIS!  
  
ANNE: Took you long enough!! But correct.  
  
SIRIUS: Wooooooo, yes got it right!!  
  
ANNE: Eh-Hem....  
  
SIRIUS: Sorry...  
  
ANNE: Right..  
  
HARRY: BANK!!  
  
ANNE: Harry- Which famed witch had a million selling hit with the song 'The love in your eyes'?  
  
HARRY: I have no clue, I don't have the WRN, er Celestina Warbeck???  
  
ANNE: -bitterly- Lucky guess, correct! Hermione- Who wrote 'Hogwarts a History'?  
  
HERMIONE: Hah, EASY Aldebert Waffling.  
  
ANNE: Correct! Draco- Who famously made the comment "Magic isn't the solution to all problems"?  
  
DRACO: Some bloody idiot that's who!  
  
ANNE: WRONG BLONDIE!! The correct answer is Starla Tyree.  
  
DRACO: Not that moanin' old cow  
  
ANNE: YES! that MOANIN' OLD COW as you so gracefully put it.  
  
DRACO: Yeah and I know another one around here. -Suggestive glance in Anne's direction-  
  
SNAPE: -Nods agreeingly and cracks neck- OWWWWWW!!!!!  
  
MV: I'm gonna let that one pass Draco as you made Snape hurt himself  
  
DRACO: PHEW!!!  
  
ANNE: -REALLY annoyed- Snape you filthy layabout What is the correct term for a communicator with the dead? Geez that sounds creepy  
  
SNAPE: -Gives a shudder- A necromancer  
  
ANNE: Correct! Minerva- Which is the most powerful of all stunning spells?  
  
MINERVA: The stupifeous or stupify spell -Mutters aside- and I know who I'll be using it on later  
  
ANNE: Correct! Remus- How do you distinguish a vampire from a regular person?  
  
REMUS: A Vampire has no reflection so hold a mirror in front of it.  
  
ANNE: Correct! Sirius- What is the oldest known form of sleeping potion?  
  
SIRIUS: The Morphian mixture.  
  
ANNE: Correct!  
  
HARRY: BANK!!  
  
(End of round music goes)  
  
ANNE: Right in that round you managed to bank a truly pitiful 250 Galleons, whose intelegence has wained thin. I implore you ditch the ditherer, chuck out your chintz. It's time to vote off the weakest link!!  
  
MV: In the last round Draco was the weakest link as he got his questions wrong and lost the team the largest amount of money. The strongest link was Harry as he banked money and got all his questions right.  
  
ANNE: It's time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!!  
  
MINERVA: Snape –shoots dirty glance at him-  
  
REMUS: Draco  
  
SIRIUS: Snape  
  
HARRY: Draco  
  
HERMIONE: Draco  
  
DRACO: Harry  
  
SNAPE: Draco  
  
DRACO: -to Snape- Why the hell did you vote me off!!  
  
SNAPE: Because you made me crack my neck… enough said.  
  
ANNE: Well Draco with four votes you are the weakest link …… GOODBYE  
  
DRACO: Just you wait my father'll……  
  
(Gets electric shock)  
  
MV: Sorry couldn't resist!! –evil laugh-  
  
ANNE: Right I'm off to the shops to get some more popcorn –shoots dirty glance at air-  
  
1 MV –Sigh- I guess that means a break  
  
ALL: EH –HEM  
  
MV: Oh right –snaps fingers- I don't see the point though, you all looked cool  
  
ALL: COOL ??? AS IF!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Round Four: A Slight Problem!

A/N: Hey, hey Peeps I'm back AT LONG LAST with an update for the weakest link. This has been a LONG time in the making but it's finally here and it's my favourite round out of all the ones I've done. (I've handwritten the next two rounds so they'll be here soon!!!) Anywho Enjoy the madness I have reaked!!

P.S: Chicabiddy can you please e-mail me or something I NEED TO GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU!! There is something you and I have to discuss which was on one of you reviews. But you'd better be quick or I might not be able to fit it in!! So E-MAIL ME NOW!!! 

Round Four: A Slight Problem

Well were back at long last with the fourth round of the Weakest Link. After much Snape-bashing in the build up to the last round, things are now much more relaxed –pouts- but not entirely sane. After the departure of Draco at the end of the last round, Snape has been isolated, as none of the remaining contestants will talk to him and he has well begun to act a little strange. Well enough if that –smirks- let's get back to the game. At the end of the last round the gang earned 250 Galleons, Draco was ditched and all were severally traumatized by my choice of costume. Well I think It's time we see how the contestants are doing –snigger-

MIN: God that last round was truly awful!!!

ALL MALES: ……………………….

HERM: I think that's a YES, there still traumatized

MIN: Ah well –sigh- You have to admit MV sure knows how to be cruel!

ALL: -NOD-

SNAPE: Is that you Mavis!?!

ALL: - Look in Snape's direction- Eh?? MAVIS?? –Move slowly away-

HARRY: I think he's cracked

REMUS: Cracked???

HARRY: You know.. Gone Mental, lost his marbles etc.

REMUS: Oh….. Right.

SIRIUS: Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Snape nuts already?

MIN: Well.. not nuts exactly. Mentally unstable perhaps, but not nuts.

ALL: -Raise eyebrows questioningly-

SNAPE: Hello there Beautiful –Blows kiss at Minerva-

MIN: Oh sweet Jesus, Mary and the rest of the holy family!! –Pales visibly- I retract my previous statement!!! MV HELP ME!!!!!

MV: Someone call my name??

MIN: YES!! ME!!

MV: And.. what is the problem??

MIN: -Hysterical- The Problem!… SNAPE'S GONE PSYCHO AND IS BLOWING KISSES AT ME!!

MV: Ah.. I could see that as being a major problem.

MIN: WELL OBVIOUSLY!!!

MV: So what do you want me to do…?

MIN: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!!

MV: Hmm… Easier said than done… how about this, I can put an extra room in and you can stay in there while Snape in the other. And while you are in one room he can't enter it and vice versa.

MIN: -Thoughtfully- That could work

MV: Of course it'll work! I thought of it!!

HARRY: Miss Smugness there or what?

MV: Oh Come on!! I'm allowed to be a little smug. I DID set this up after all!!

HARRY: TRUE! –shrugs-

MV: Darn Right!! Well are we all agreed on my little idea then?

ALL: Okay!!

RANDOM VOICE: NOOO!!!!

MV: Huh!?! Who said that??

SIRIUS: Perhaps it was one of the staff?

MV: Good thinkin'! Right, be back in a min

(Footsteps are heard followed by a LOT of shouting and cursing!)

MV: Okay I'm back!! It was one of the stupid producers!!

SIRIUS: And why did he or she say no??

MV: Well HE said that we didn't have enough funding.

SIRIUS: And what did you say? 

MV: Well I said that he'd better find some right quick, which he did –although can't be seen grins-

SIRIUS: And How'd you get it?

MV: -Slyly- Well .. we .. er stole it from another show

HERM: Really!! Which one?

MV: -Evilly- Er.. Kilroy* I think

(* A/N: A VVVVVVVV Boring/ annoying/ irritating talkshow)

HARRY/HERM: ALRIGHT!! Nice one hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

ALL OTHERS: -Confused- WHAT????

HARRY: Muggle daytime TV, Aunt Petunia subjected me to it once.

ALL: -WINCE-

(Telephone rings)

MV: Hello.. –Murmurs-  WHAT!?! Oh that's not good! –More murmurs- You mean their HERE, NOW!! UH OH –More murmurs- Right thanks for the warning, I should be bale things out up here okay bye!

MIN: What was all that about MV?

MV: Erm.. well, we have a SLIGHT problem

SIRIUS: -Hesitantly-  And that is…?

MV: -Nervously- Erm… well… according to my chief of security a certain Slytherin –cough- Draco Malfoy –cough- Ran straight to the Ministry and informed them of a certain escaped convicts whereabouts…

SIRIUS: -Looks nervous- Oh S$*& !!

MV: Oh that's not all… The Ministry have now sent Dementors to SAID location..

SIRIUS: OH MEGA S$*& !! –Pales visibly-  What am I gonna do I'm trapped in here!!

MV: Hey CHILL Sirius CHILL!!! I won't let them get you. If I do J.K will have my head on a platter (She has the money to do that!) as I will have screwed up the plotline for the next three books. NEVER MIND the legions of Fanfic authors and Sirius lovers. DAMNIT!! I knew I should have erased Draco's memory!

SIRIUS: You should have, but you can't change that now!!

MV: TRUE!! –sighs-

SIRIUS: So what are you going to do?

MV: Well in order to protect you and prevent any major mishaps to me, I'm going to let you go and transport you wherever you want…. But nowhere illegal!!!

SIRIUS: Obviously… Right I'd like to go where I was hiding out over the summer.

(A/N: Which is consequentially Remus's house)

MV: You got it!! Er.. do you want to say your goodbyes?

SIRIUS: Er.. yeah .. thanks!! Well guys it's been somewhat fun, especially with the Snape bashing –Grins evilly-

ALL BAR SNAPE: -Grin evilly back-

SIRIUS: Well I guess this is goodbye, for now anyway.

REMUS: See you soon Padfoot old friend

SIRIUS: Same here Moony

SNAPE: -FINALLY catching on- Padfoot?? Moony?? WAIT A MINUTE!! That parchment that means it was you!!! You wrote those insults!!!!

REMUS: Er.. YEAH!! Only just figured that out Severus?

SIRIUS: Bit slow ain't he??

REMUS: -Nods- I'd say so! –Smirks-

HARRY: -Smirking also- Seeya Sirius!! Just promise me one thing NO MORE LARGE BIRDS!!!

SIRIUS: -Laughs- Okay Harry!!

MV: Well are you ready to go now?

SIRIUS: YEP! Let's go MV!!

MV: Okay! 1…2…3.. Bye!!

(Sirius disappears)

MV: Right!!! Crisis averted!!

SNAPE: Damn it!! I didn't get a chance to smack him, ah well I suppose you'll have to do Lupin!! 

-makes threatening movement toward Remus-                                

REMUS: -Growls- Don't even attempt it!!! Unless of course you WANT your limbs removed!!

MV: Ouuhh I love it when you go all FERAL Remus!!!

REMUS: -Blushes-

ALL OTHERS: -Snigger-

SNAPE: -Evilly- Oh Lupin, looks like you have an admirer. –Sings- School, Girl, Cruush!! 

REMUS: -Blush Deepens- Shut up Snape!!

MV: -Sternly- Right!! If you've all finished deciding whether or not I have a crush on Remus…

SNAPE: HAH!!! CAUGHT YOU!! MV and Lupin sitting in a tree –Gets shocked-

MV: -Growls- I DID not say that I had one, I was stating that I didn't so there!!

ALL: -Snigger-

REMUS: -Groans still blushing-

HARRY: We believe you an' all, so how about letting us go?

MV: Hmm…. NO!

HARRY: EVIL!!

MV: -Shocked- ME!? EVIL!? No, no, no, no, no. A slightly bored individual with a mental imagination YES, but evil NO!

HARRY: I agree with the MENTAL!!

MV: Okay enough talk it's time to figure out Sirius's replacement

ALL: -Confused- REPLACEMENT????

MV: Well obviously.. I AM trying to do this professionally!!

ALL:  -Sarcastically and looking sceptical-……. SURE!

MV: -Ignoring sarcasm- We have several choices and each is for a different purpose. Hmm.. decisions, decisions. Ah hell I can't decide so I'll let you guys do it!!

MIN: And how exactly are we going to do that?

MV: EASY-  All you have to do is pick door 1,2, or 3

HERM: Why can't you just pick?

MV: Because **I **Know who is behind the doors and anywho it's more fun this way!

HERM: Fun for WHO exactly

MV: ME most probably –grins-

ALL: -Groan-

MV: So what's it gonna be.. Door 1,2, or 3!?!

Harry: Hey MV's a poet and she didn't quite now it!!

ALL: -Groan at ridiculous pun-

(All of them excluding Snape huddle together and quickly discuss)

REMUS: We pick door number 1!

MV: Are you SURE!!!

ALL: YES!!

MV: OK then!! Let's see who you turned down. Behind door number two is the ex-captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team… Oliver Wood!

(Door opens and reveals a confused looking Oliver)

OLI: Hey Guys.. Professors… what's going on here??

HARRY: You DON'T want to know Oliver, Just be glad you ain't staying

OLI: Huh? What do you mean Harry?

MV: He means this Oliver (Clicks fingers and Oliver disappears)

MIN: Another one bites the dust

ALL: YUP!!

MV: Well behind door number 3 is the Beauxbatons Bombshell and Tri-Wizard cup participant Miss Fleur Delacour!!

(Door opens revealing a highly Peeved Fleur)

FLEUR: Where 'ze 'hell am I ??

HERM: (Elbows Harry first) –Sarcastic- In a Television studio Fleur, I thought THAT would be obvious

FLEUR: -Glares at Hermione- Ze sarcasm in 'er voice iz Overwhelming!!

MV: I know, Isn't it!!  Well good job you aren't staying.. bye Fleur (Clicks fingers and Fleur disappears)

HERM: Glad she's gone –Glares at door-

MV: -Sings to the Queen tune- And another one's down and another one's down another one bites the dust, YEEEAAHHHHH!!!

ALL: -Blink- O….Kay?!?

MV: Er.. sorry had a bit of a Queen moment there. Well it's time to introduce the newest member of the team, the bane of everyone's existence. Prof Sybil Trelawney!!

ALL: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

MIN: How could you do this to us MV!!!!

MV: Hey!! That's so unfair!! Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it you who chose the door? I tried to get you to change!

MIN: But the point is- SHE WAS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!

HERM: GOD!! I'd rather put up with Fleur than HER!! And that's saying something!!

(Door opens and offending personage walks in)

MIN: -Starts Growling lowly and wand hand itches-

SYBIL: I Foresaw this!!! I tried to warn you……

MV: Oh do shut UP!!!

SYBIL: ARGH!!… Where'd that voice come from it's an omen I can sense it..

MV: ERGH!! –Wrenches out hair- Sybil I thought I said SHUT UP!!!! Dam she's irritating!

SYBIL: -Sniff- FINE!

MV: Right, Rule No 5  no predictions, mentioning of Omens, Grims, Evil spirits etc.!!

HARRY: Yahoo!! … Pity you can't enforce it outside the studio!!

MV: True, but J.K needs someone other than Snape to torment you with –sighs- Well everyone get out on stage, were running out of time. Chop, chop. Oh yeah and before I forget Sybil your between Hermione and Harry

HARRY& HERM: -Groan-

SYBIL: So WHY exactly am I here?

MIN: Oh you'll catch on soon enough

(All go onto set)

HERM: Here we go again

MV: Oh yeah one last thing before I forget… er this won't make you too happy but you can't vote for Sybil this round.

ALL: WHAT!!!!! NO FAIR!!!!!

MV: Sorry!!! But it's in the official rules (Somewhere) and not even **I **can mess with that

ALL: But you've messed with everything else!!!

MV: -Uncomfortable- well … yeah… but I can't mess with this because I didn't make it up and it would mean meddling with the entire game format, which I seriously haven't got the time to do.. OKAY!!

ALL: Okay we understand –pout-

MV: Thanks you guys, anywho before I forget the theme for this round is pirates and the open seas

ALL: -Look blank-

MV: You'll get it now –snaps fingers-

(Instantly they are all put into costume. Remus and Harry sport Captain Hookesque costumes while Snape looks like some mangy extra. Hermione and Minerva have the usual heroines costume (Shirt and breeches) while Sybil looks practically the same only with the addition of an eye-patch and parrot (Well she looks a bit like a pirate anyway!!))

(Anne comes back on stage)

SYBIL: ARRGHH!!! It's the demon from my vision … -gets shocked-

MV: I thought I TOLD you Sybil! NO MENTIONING OF DEMONS!! Otherwise that happens. –smirks-

SYBIL: -Mutters mutinously under breath-

ANNE: Whose the new nut job…er victim…. Erm contestant?

MV: Trelawney, Sybil Trelawney.

ANNE: -Groans- Not ANOTHER Uri Gellar wannabe!!

HARRY: -Before anyone can ask- Just don't bother!

ANNE: -Gazing round- And what's happened to that other dark haired one…. Sirius?

MV: I kinda had to let him go….

ANNE: -Angry & Panicky- WHAT!!! WHY!!!!

MV: Well it was either let him go or let him have his soul painfully sucked out by a dementor…. Which a certain millionaire author would NOT have been happy about!

ANNE: OH!!!….. Point taken

MV: -Curious-…. Erm why Anne?

ANNE: -Uncomfortably- Er… no reason in particular…

MV: Don't you use that tone of voice with me….. –thinks a moment- … OH NO WAY ANNE…. GROSS!!!!

REMUS: What's gross?!?

MV: Just think about it.

REMUS: -Thinks- Oh dear, Poor Padfoot –Pales & Looks ill- Barf bag please!!

(Others bar Snape and Trelawney begin to catch on)

MIN: Make that two –pales and holds hand to mouth-

HERM: -Looks ready to hurl- Same here!!

HARRY: Ditto!! –Makes gagging noise- URGH!! That's worse than MV and Prof Lupin

MV: -Affronted- AHEM!! I thought we'd already established that I do not and I repeat DO NOT have a crush on Remus! Do I HAVE to shock you Mr. Potter?

HARRY: -Swallows nervously- Umm.. No.

SNAPE & SYBIL: -Look on oblivious- HUH??

ANNE: -Supremely hacked off- Oh enough talk about me.. Let's get on with the show!! In the last round Harry was the strongest link and so he will start this round. Ten more seconds have been taken from the clock and the time starts …. NOW!!

Harry- Which was the first team to successfully win the QDL* cup three successive times?

(* Qudditch Domestic League)

HARRY: Puddlemere United –Mutters aside- Thank you Oliver!!

ANNE: Correct!! Sybil –Glares at her- Name the infamous Wizard bandit who was a member of Robin Hood's merry men?

SYBIL: Erm.. Will Scarlet?

ANNE: -Downright shocked- Correct! Hermione- what is the most Powerful memory spell in existence?

HERM: Oh WOW that's hard!…. I have NO idea

ALL: -Look in shock- Hermione doesn't know something!!

ANNE: The right answer is Crystillia Memoria. Snape- glares at him- Which company produced the 'Silver Arrow' style of racing broom

SNAPE: -Smirks- Broomstyle international!

ANNE: Correct! Minerva- which creature is a cross between Manticores and fire crabs?

MIN: Lord, how could I NOT know that. They terrorized my student through the whole of last term! Blast-ended Skrewts

ANNE: Correct!! Remus what is the collective name of the British muggle unit of currency?

REMUS: Hmm.. The Pound Sterling?

ANNE: Correct!! Harry- Name the Wizard who became famous in the Muggle dramatic arts, staring in films such as 'Gone with the wind'?

HARRY: Clark Gable, At last those long hours being forced to watch it paid off!!

ANNE: Correct!! Sybil- Name the host of the Wizarding version of 'Changing Rooms'

SYBIL: -Groans- Urgh… um… I know this come on…. Got it!! Seymour Fancie

(A/N: I DON'T own him, he belongs to the fabulously funny Luna)

ANNE: Correct! What kind of name is THAT for a man

MV: An extremely poncy and funny one, now get on with it Anne

ANNE: -Sniffs- Fine then! Hermione- What is the difference between Arthimancy and Numerology?

HERM: One is a form of Divination –glares at Sybil- the other is the study of numbers

ANNE: Correct!! Snape- Borgin and Burkes is a well known business establishment, but where is it situated?

SNAPE: -Winces slightly- Knockturn Alley.

ANNE: -Raises eyebrow suspiciously- Correct Minerva-…

MIN: BANK!!!!

-Funky music goes-

ANNE: Right! At the end of that round you accumulated 600 Galleons. I ask you who had outstayed their welcome, who's IQ is in single figures –Looks pointedly at Snape- It is time to vote off the weakest link!!

MV: At the end of this round Minerva was the strongest link as she answered all her questions correctly and banked money for the team. The weakest link was Hermione as she was the only one to get a question wrong. But will the votes follow the facts?

ANNE: It's time to reveal who you think is the Weakest link.

MIN: SYBIL!! And I don't care what you said MV!!

MV: -Growls- It's a good job you're my Fav character otherwise I would have been dangerously annoyed. I guess I should have seen this coming!!

MIN: -Smirks-

REMUS: Snape!!

HARRY: Hermione, sorry Herm!

SYBIL: Hermione –glares at Hermione-

HERM: Sybil –Glares at Harry and Sybil-

MV: -Highly annoyed- HERMIONE PLEASE!!!! Can't ANYONE pay attention to what I say!!!!

HERM: -Embarrassed- Sorry MV but my feelings toward HER!! Are exactly the same as Professor McGonagall's

MV: Yeah I know! –sigh- Okay I'll let it pass but yours and Minerva's votes don't count.

MIN/HERM: -pout-

SNAPE: Lupin!!

REMUS: I DO have a first name you know!!

SNAPE: I know… I just don't like using it

MV: -Groans- I have a BAD feeling about this!

ANNE: EHEM!!! Well Hermione with two votes you are the weakest link goodbye!!

(Hermione walks off stage)

MV: Okay guys things are all sorted backstage! So if you want to mossie on back there.

ALL: Alright!

SNAPE: Er.. MV do I have your permission to do something?

MV: Huh? Maybe?.. What do you want to do?

SNAPE: This –picks out throwing dagger from costume and hurls it at Anne-

MV: OH S$*@ !!!! SNAPE I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD DO THAT!!!

ANNE: -Dagger hits here in shoulder- ARRRGGGHHHH Snape you've killed me!!!

HARRY: -Smirks- You B*&^%$d 

(Sorry couldn't resist the south park line)

MV: -Laughs- Touche Harry! Dam I knew I should have removed the weapons.. Ah well got to admit he has a good aim.

ALL: -Nod-

ANNE: GOOD AIM!!!! That does it!! MV You'll be hearing from my agent….. –passes out from shock/ blood loss-

MV: -Groans- Okay you lot –clicks fingers- Costumes gone! So no more mishaps for now anyway. Right you lot, backstage NOW!! While I sort out this mess… Ah Man!! I'm REALLY gonna get in trouble over this one!!


	6. Round five: Disturbances experienced

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING mentioned in this chapter. Especially not the host, who is a real person. I have more chance of controlling a sixty-foot Tsunami than her!!

Round Five: Disturbances experienced by all!!

            Way hay Peeps; I'm starting to speed up –smirks- This round is here in record time!! Anywho were back with round five of the weakest link. Last round a few things happened, Sirius had to be let go due to a sudden Dementor problem (DAM MALFOY!!! I shall have my vengeance.. Mwahahahahaha!!!) And Sybil Trelawney was brought in as a replacement –shudders-. Hermione was booted off at the end of the round and Snape critically injured Anne, much to the amusement and entertainment of all. Well let's see how they're getting on!

MIN: Right! Now move that couch in front of the door so they can't get out!!

(Harry and Remus do so)

REMUS: So that's the annoying buggers out of the way!

HARRY: Yeah!…. So what do we do now??

REMUS: I don't know? Amuse ourselves?

MIN: Er.. How exactly?

REMUS: -Shrugs- ..I Dunno.

HARRY: HEY MV!!!!

MIN: -P.O- What did you do that for Potter!!!!

HARRY: -Gives calm glare- At least with MV around it's entertaining, and you never know she might ACTUALLY give us something to do.

REMUS: I hadn't thought of it like that

MIN: Me neither

HARRY: And you call yourselves Professors?

MIN & REMUS: -Glare-

MV: Hey guys!! You called?

HARRY: Yeah!!! We are dangerously bored!! Can't you give us something to do??

MV: Hmmm… I suppose so, I mean I still have to sort out the host for this round because of the unfortunate incident at the end of the last round –although can't be seen smirks evilly-

REMUS: -Innocently- How is Anne?

MV: She's doing okay (Unfortunately) she should be okay in a round or two. But I'm having a time with her agents; they're having a fit!!

REMUS: -trying not to smile- Really, such a pity –Note HEAVY sarcasm-

MV: -Picking up on sarcasm- I know isn't it!! Anywho back to the point, you wanted something to do!!

ALL: YEP!!

MV: Well I ain't promising much, but I'll see what I can do!!

HARRY: Thanks MV

(Rummaging is heard in the background and 5 min's later MV returns)

MV: Well I found this –Game of Twisterä appears in front of them- Sorry it ain't much, but it's the only thing I could find around this godforsaken place.

HARRY: No problem! Thanks again MV!!

MV: Erm … Before I go, just where is Snape and Sybil?

MIN: We locked them next-door –grins-

MV: Ah… that explains the couch. Well I think I'll leave them there for a while longer. Right I got a host to sort out, have fun Peeps!!

MIN: Okay.. How exactly do you play Twister?

HARRY: Just look at the front of the box and you'll get the general idea Professor.

MIN: Ah right……. Good Lord! How can people be that flexible?!?

REMUS: I'm sure it's not that hard Minerva –smirks-

MIN: Is that a challenge Remus?? –Raises eyebrow-

REMUS: -Raises one also- Maybe? It depends if you're up to it?

HARRY: Uh-Oh looks like things are going to get a teensy bit competitive!! I think I'll sit this one out Professors and take command of the spinner, if you don't mind?

REMUS: Knock yourself out Harry.

MIN: Fine with me Potter, Now Remus you were saying…..

~TWENTY MINUTES LATER~

HARRY: Okay Prof Lupin, Right hand Red 

REMUS: -Moves right hand- God this is uncomfortable!

MIN: -Smirks- Looks like it is that hard after all… hmm Remus –Raises eyebrow smugly-

REMUS: -Rolls eyes and groans-

HARRY: Okay if we can break up this little tête-à-tête Left hand Yellow!

REMUS: -Moves left hand-

HARRY: Right leg Blue!

REMUS: -Moves right leg-

HARRY: Left leg Yellow

REMUS: -Moves left leg-… Oh Dear I'm gonna ..- Falls heavily on back knocking Minerva over in the process who lands on top of him in a VERY compromising position- OUFF!!

MIN: -Swallows heavily looking into his eye-

MV: AWWW!! Isn't this just cozy? –Sniggers- Wish I had a camera!

REMUS & MIN: -Blush deeply and scramble off one another-

MV: I always knew Twister was good at getting people together, in more ways than one

 -Winks-

REMUS & MIN: -Blush deeper and mutter incoherently-

HARRY: MV!!! My mind is already warped enough thank you very much!! Without having THAT Particular mental image bestowed upon me!!

MV: Well it's nice to know I've achieved something –grins- even if it isn't pleasant. Right enough of this, I'll just go and get Snape and Sybil and I can introduce you to the host for this round ..-Walks off- …… OH LORD!!!! –Shocked silence-

ALL: What's up???

MV: URGH!! ….. That's …. Just wrong!!

ALL: -Confused and aggravated- What is, WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

MV: …………………… Too grossed out……… to ……… speak –Barfing heard in background-

REMUS: Right that does it!!! I'm going to see what all this about!!!

(Pulls back couch, opens door and strides in)

MIN: He's either VERY brave or VERY stupid.

HARRY: Probably stupid! I wouldn't go in there if you paid me a million Galleons!!

MIN: -Nods-

(Remus rushes out looking thoroughly traumatized)

HARRY: -Looking concerned- Professor?? What's up???

REMUS: -looks like he's about to hurl- …… N..eed.. Some… comfort (Rushes over to Minerva and kisses her, Minerva promptly slaps him causing him to relax)

MIN: -Angry- REMUS!! What was that about???

REMUS: Sorry! It was the only way I could get you to slap me!

HARRY: Why?

REMUS: -Groans looking ill- Urgh!!.. Those two……… They're bloody fornicating in there.

(A/N: Don't worry if you don't know what it means you'll get the gist in a minute J)

MIN: -Pales- I think I'm going to be sick

HARRY: -Confused- Huh?? What does that mean??

REMUS: -Looks VERY uncomfortable-.. Er…… Well fornicating.. Er … Well come here Harry …… –Whispers in ear-

HARRY: -Goes green- OH MY GOD!! … -grins evilly- Did you get any photo's?

MIN: POTTER!!! That's obscene!!!

HARRY: For blackmail of course!! Geez!! Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I'm perverted!!

MIN: -Looks sceptical- Oh…… Right.

MV: -Sounding sickened- Have those two finished in there yet?

MIN: (Looks in, gags, looks out) NOPE!!

MV: Okay that does it!! DRASTIC MEASURES!! –Snaps fingers-

SNAPE & SYBIL: -Get shocked- AAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!

MV: Better, much better! –smirks-

(Snape and Sybil wander out looking slightly frazzled and starry eyed)

MIN: -Looks traumatized, goes over and kisses Remus-

REMUS: -Shocked- What was that for?!?

MIN: Sorry, I needed some reassurance

REMUS: Would you like so more –Raises eyebrow questioningly and smiles charmingly-

MIN: Maybe –Raises eyebrow in return-

HARRY: WHY I am I the only one not fornicating around here??

MV: Because you're too young –Smirks- Looks like part of my job as an author is done, I KNEW Twister would do the trick!!

HARRY: -Curious- Why? What is your job as an author??

MV: Well first and foremost it's to generally annoy and humiliate you guys –They groan-  but one of my other components is that of a 'shipper.'

SNAPE: Really, and just WHOM do you 'ship'??

MV: Well not you and Sybil if that's what your thinking! GROSS!!

HARRY: Ah, Right. I guess that means you're a 'shipper' for those two then?

MV: YEP!! –Grins- And I ain't the only one!!

SYBIL: WHY?? That's just NOT right..

MV: -Sarcastically- And I suppose you flinging yourself at Snape is?? –Shudders-

SNAPE: HEY!! I resent that!!

MV: Ah button it Snape!! An anyway my point is why not, it's by no means the worst one around

ALL: -Think about what the WORST possible ones could be and shudder-

MV: Well enough talk!! It's time to introduce the host for this round!

SYBIL: You mean the demon isn't coming back?? –Gets shocked-

MV: I warned you about that Sybil, and NO she's not coming back for two rounds thanks to you –Shoots dirty look at Snape- Of course you would have known all that if you hadn't been necking it with Snape like a pair of bloody hormonal adolescents!! 

SNAPE & SYBIL: -Go BRIGHT red-

ALL OTHERS: -Snigger-

MV: Well Anywho you'll have to do with a stand in for the next couple of rounds until Anne comes back or I get someone better.

MV2: -Highly annoyed- Well that's just BLOODY charming! Nice to know I'm appreciated!

HARRY: Er.. Who's that?

MV: Erm……… Well that's the host for this round

SNAPE: And that is……?

MV: -Grandly- I would like to introduce you to S.J …… My little sister!!

ALL: -Groan-

S.J: -Sarcastically- Thanks, your support is just WARMING to my heart!!

HARRY: She's DEFINITELY MV's sister!

ALL: -Nod agreeingly-

MV: -Gleefully- Well here she comes!!

(In the middle of the room a quite tall, medium built teenage girl appears, with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. Currently not looking too happy)

S.J: -VVVVVV annoyed- SIS!! Just what have you stuck me in this time??   

MV: Hey nothin much, I just want you to present MY version of the weakest link for this round.

S.J: -Brightens up considerably- Really!! Cool!! Do I get to be on T.V??

MV: Er.. No, but you will be acknowledged by several reader ( A/N:I hope!!)

S.J: -Shrugs- Close enough! Thanks L……

MV: -Urgently- DON'T USE MY NAME!!! Just call me sis or MV!

S.J: -Sulks- Fine!!

SNAPE: -Grins evilly- Why? What's wrong with your name?

MV: Nothin's wrong with my name, It's just if you know it then I kinda lose some of the mystery don't I?

ALL: True!

S.J: Well sis, are we doing this or WHAT!!

MV: Er.. Yeah, Geez your so impatient!! Just give us five minutes to sort out the set!! Get acquainted y'know and all that junk!!

S.J: -Suspicious- Just what are you up to?

MV: -Innocently- Moi? Up to something, surely you jest or at least mistake me for someone else?

S.J: -Raises eyebrow- Sure!

REMUS: -To Harry- You know MV would have been a great Marauder.

HARRY: -Nods- That innocent voice almost had me fooled

MV: -Grins- Thanks for the compliment you two!! Right see you guys in five minutes

~Five minutes later~

MV: Hey I'm back…… OH GOOD LORD!!!!!! Okay break it up ALL of you!!! I've got a show to run!!

(Snape, Sybil, Remus and Minerva break up)

SYBIL: DAM!! I was enjoying that

MV: I wasn't –Gags- … Harry!! Get your hands OFF my sister this instance!!! Because I know a few people who WON'T be happy!!

HARRY: -Breaks away- Who exactly??

MV: -Evilly- My father for example. He has a MEAN temper and I don't think he'll appreciate you playing tonsil hockey with his daughter after only five minutes!!!

HARRY: Point taken! Sorry S.J, gotta suspend these activities for the moment, thanks for giving me some help in the fornicating regard!

S.J: -Blushes slightly and glares at air- AW SIS!!! You always ruin my fun!!!!!

MV: Sorry S.J! I'll make it up to you, pinkie promise!!

S.J: -Smirks- You always do!!

MV: Okay guys time to get back on set!! Oh yeah and before my notoriously poor memory kicks in these round's theme is King Arthur's Knights of the Round Table. 

–Laughs manically-

(Click fingers as they walkout onto the set)

(Remus and Harry are dressed in 'casual' Knight wear (A/N: That can be taken in SOOO many ways). While Sybil and Minerva are dressed in the usual Damsel in distress get up complete with pointy hats, and Snape.. Well Snape is dressed as the court jester)

SNAPE: Why do you torment me!!??!! Why!!! WHY!!!!!

MV: Oh stop being so bloody melodramatic Snape!!

MIN: -Glares at offending garment- Not ANOTHER bloody heavy dress –falls over-

REMUS: Her let me help you Minerva –Helps her up-

SNAPE: -Singsong voice- Lupin and Minerva sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G… -Smirks and gets shocked-

MV: -Whistles innocently- Sorry fingers slipped –winks- 

REMUS & MIN: -Roll eyes exasperatedly-

ALL OTHERS: -Laugh-

MV: Come on people time is wasting!! Chop, chop!!

S.J: Hi Guys!! –Winks at Harry who blushes- Well it's time to continue with the game. Right at the end of the last round Minerva was the strongest link and you lot earned a pretty good 600 Galleons.

MV: -Whiney- S.J!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEAN!!!

S.J: -Evilly- What if I don't want to? –Raises eyebrow slyly- 

MV: YOU HAVE TO!!! And don't ask why? WHY is because I say so!!

S.J: FINE!!!! You know you really P*** me off sometimes!!

SNAPE: -Humorously- Do you have to annoy EVERY host we have MV?… -gets shocked-

MV: DON'T antagonize me Severus I am NOT in the mood!!!

SNAPE: -Whimpers- .. Sorry MV.

MV: DAM STRAIGHT!!! Right please continue S.J.

S.J: Right at the end of the last round you earned 600 Galleons and Minerva was the strongest link. Ten more measly seconds have been taken from the clock so you now have less time to get things WRONG!! Right time starts NOW!! Minerva- if you were born on October the 7th what Star-sign would you be?

MIN: -Thinks- … Erm Libra?

S.J: -Glares- Correct! Remus- What purple flower is used in most stress relief potions and draughts?

REMUS: -Mutters- Purple flower..? Purple flower..?…… Ah got it! Lavender!!

S.J: Took you long enough but Correct!

MV: Oops a little TOO mean there Sis.

S.J: HEY!! You TOLD me to be nasty! I'm only doin' what you said!!

MV: YEAH!! But I didn't want you to be nasty to the characters I like!!

S.J: -REALLY peeved- GRRRRR… You get all or nothing with me!! YOU of all people should know THAT by now!!!

MV: -Sighs- Listen I'm really NOT spoiling for a row here, I can't be bothered. Just carry on with the game 'kay!!

S.J: -Sniffs haughtily- FINE!!! Harry- Gives Hearty wink- What is the correct term for Magic of the voice?

HARRY: Er.. –blinks- … Erm Vocalisation?

S.J: Correct.. well close enough. Sybil –Gives Hearty glare- What stage of the Lunar cycle is considered the most powerful for healing?

SYBIL: -Looks lost- Erm.. Crud astrology was NOT my strong point… Full moon??

S.J: -Triumphantly- HAH!! WRONG you bug eyed old bat!!! It's New Moon –sticks out tongue-

SYBIL: HEY!! I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT!!!

ALL BAR SNAPE: -Grin at Sybil EVILLY- But it's SOOOOOOOO true!!!

MV: -Peeved- ENOUGH!!!! Get on with the game!!

S.J: -Smirks- Snape- What is the correct term for wizard in old Gaelic tongue?

SNAPE: Istarni*! Ancient Ruins FINALLY paid off!!

(*Technically belongs to LOTR but is true!)

S.J: Correct –Sulks- Minerva- According to statistics how many people splinch themselves each year? to the nearest ten!

MIN: Aw… Nertz .. just gonna guess ..Er 220?

S.J: -Mutters- Lucky guess but Correct! Remus- Which long standing tradition at Hogwarts has been passed down from Headmaster to Headmaster since the middle ages?

REMUS: -Grins knowingly- The planting of a tree in the grounds*!

(*Technically mine, I don't know anyone else who has used this idea)

HARRY: Just how many time have you red 'Hogwarts A History' Professor?

REMUS: -Shocked- What? Must be a few at least? How did you know I'd red it?

HARRY: -Smirks- Just a hunch –Mutter aside- SOOOO like Herm!

S.J: EH HEM!! Right Harry –Smiles- What is the Nimbus 2000 top speed?

HARRY: If I didn't know this I'd be shot!! 135MPH

S.J: Correct! Sybil-…

SYBIL: BANK!!!!!!!

S.J: Right! What is the ratio of Lionfish Spine to Essence of Camomile in an average Sleeping Draught?

SYBIL: Er.. 30:70?

S.J: -Shocked- Correct –Mutters to self- I wasn't expecting her to get that right! Oh right back to the game.. Snape- Who was  the founder of Honeydukes sweet shop in 1789?

SNAPE: Hogarth Honeyduke!

S.J: Correct! Minerva-…

MIN: BANK!!!!!

~Funky music goes~

S.J: Right time is up!! At the end of this round you managed to bank a measly 250 Galleons. It's time to get rid of the losers and vote off who you think is the weakest link!! -Looks pointedly at Sybil-

MV: At the end of this round Minerva was once again the strongest link. Sybil was the weakest link because she was the only one to get one wrong and that she is a dumb-ass that no one likes!!

(A/N: Sybil lovers (There are some?????) Please don't Flame me)

S.J: -Big brother stylie- Oh nasty! Nasty Sis! –Does hand movement-

MV: Thanks! –Smirks- But will the votes follow the facts?

S.J: It's time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!!

MIN: SYBIL –Glares at Sybil-

REMUS: SNAPE!!! 

HARRY: Sybil!!

SYBIL: MINERVA!! –Glares back-

SNAPE: LUPIN!!!

S.J: Harry why Sybil?

HARRY: -Politely- Can I be unfair??

S.J: Whatcha' say MV?

MV: -Smirks- Be as unfair as you like Harry! LORD knows I need a laugh!!

HARRY: SWEET!! Well basically she is a stupid, ugly, annoying, irratating, bud eyed  old grouch.. did I mention ugly? 

MV: Yes you did!

HARRY: .. Who makes my life a LIVING hell!! Oh and the fact that she was the only one who got a question wrong and banked too early!!

S.J: Sybil with two votes you are the Weakest Link …… GOODBYE!!!!

MIN: -Stars laughing evilly-

SYBIL: -walks off then notices Minerva laughing at her- OKAY THAT'S IT I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF BEING RIDICULED!!!!! TAKE THIS YOU BLOODY WENCH!!! –Throws a punch at Minerva-

MIN: -Dodges barely- HEY!! What did I do?? And you punch like a nancie Sybil!! 

SYBIL: -Growls and lunges-

MIN: -Clashes with Sybil and fight breaks out-

MV: WAHOO!!! DAMSEL FIGHT!!! A long last some action –popcorn munching heard- Anyone wanna place a bet?

HARRY: Yeah, my bets on Prof McGonagall –Smirks-

REMUS: Harry you shouldn't be gambling! And MV where do you keep getting the Popcorn from??

MV: -Grins nervously- I nicked it from Anne's hospital bedside and left a note sayin' it was the nurses.

REMUS: -Rolls eyes- Oh LORD!!

-Fight intensifies-

REMUS & SNAPE: -Look on uneasily-

MV: Do you reckon I should break it up?

S.J: -Thoroughly enjoying herself- NAH!! Just let it last a little longer!

-The fight gets even more violent, with the pair rolling around the floor punching, biting kicking and Bitch slapping. They knock into S.J flooring her. S.J immediately jumps up infuriated and boots Sybil in the back-

S.J: Okay you two BREAK IT UP!!! NOW!!!

MV: Miss hypocritical or WHAT? –Receives glare from S.J- Okay you two much as I'm enjoying this CUT IT OUT!!!

-The pair break up Minerva has a bloodied lip and Sybil has two black eyes a broken nose and several missing teeth-

HARRY: And I proclaim Prof McGonagall the WINNER!! –Gets NASTY look off Sybil-

MIN: -Smirks- Well you don't have a cat Animagus form without learning something about fighting!

MV: Right Sybil get off the stage! Your presence is no longer required!!

-Sybil storms off muttering mutinously-

MV: Right now that's sorted it's time for you to say Goodbye S.J!

S.J: Bye Guys!! –Blows kiss to Harry-

HARRY: Bye S.J –Sighs sadly-

MV: Bye Sis!! –Clicks fingers and S.J disappears- Okay you lot next door please!

SNAPE: EH HEM!!! –Points to costume-

MV: Urgh!! FINE!! –Clicks fingers- Happy now?

REMUS: Not really, but I suppose we'll survive!

MV: You better bloody had!!! I don't have anymore replacements!! Sybil cleaned out the last of the budget!! Okay you lot BACKSTAGE NOW!!!!


	7. Round Six: Friends plus Business Chaos

A/N: Yay At LONG last the sixth round is here!!! Sorry to everyone who has been reading this, but I have been having some technical difficulties with the site and other junk  –goes off in homicidal rage- But WHO cares It's here and that's all that matters. Oh yeah and as an extra note this is THE longest chapter so far!! Sorry guys and gals but I hope you enjoy it all the same!!

Bye Peeps!! Again the random disclaimer about not owning the host still stands, although I would have even LESS chance than before of controlling this person!!

Round Six: Friends + Business = Chaos

Subtitled: SMAELL & Johnny

Hey Hey Peeps!! Back again with round six of the Weakest Link. And my, isn't the tension growing..? A large portion of said tension made itself known at the end of the last round when a fight broke out between Sybil and Minerva. Which Minerva clearly won

(SYBIL: She DID NOT!!!)

Sybil was then voted off and the remaining contestants managed to stash a pretty bad 250 Galleons. So let's see how they are getting on!

HARRY: This is SOOOO not fair!! How did I get stuck in here, with YOU!! –Glares at Snape-

SNAPE: I'm not entirely thrilled about it either Potter –Sniffs- I miss Sybil!

HARRY: -Looks slightly ill- Professor WHY did you feel the need to impart that information to me??

SNAPE: -Annoyed- SHUT UP POTTER!! Just because I had a better round than you!!

HARRY: -Indignant- WHATEVER!!!!! ……… Trelawney…… That's just NASTY!!!

SNAPE: YOU can't talk, playing tonsil hockey with MV's sister!! –Gets shocked- What the….?

MV: Snape!! Don't you DARE insult my sister like that!!

SNAPE: Sorry!

MV: Good that's better!

HARRY: I thought you two didn't get on?

MV: We don't really, well were not as bad as most siblings, most of the time we get on okay, except when she gets bossy… Then I hate her!

SNAPE: Then WHY do you stick up for her??  

MV: It's the principle! I can put up with people taking the Michael out of me, but not my family or friends!

HARRY: REALLY!?! Well then… You're an irritating, irrational, vindictive… -Gets shocked- OW!! I thought you said you didn't mind being insulted!!!

MV: I lied –Smirks evilly- 

HARRY: URGH WOMEN!!

SNAPE: It's a good job Minerva isn't here. Remember what happened after the first round!?

HARRY: -Has flashback.. Shudders- ULP! For once I agree with you Professor!

MV: -Slightly peeved- Er.. HELLO!! Do I have to go into a B-O-R-I-N-G lecture on feminist rights??

HARRY & SNAPE: PLEASE GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

SNAPE: Anything but that!! ANYTHING!!!

MV: Really???

HARRY: WHY did you have to say that Professor!? Who knows what evil scheme she'll come with now!!

MV: -Hurt- That's MEAN Harry!! I'm not evil, I just have a very active imagination!!

HARRY: -Sarcastic- Sure MV …… -Cough- EVIL –Cough-

MV: -Glares Murderously- THAT IS IT MR POTTER!! I've had it up to HERE with you and your evil talk –Snaps fingers- Okay you wanted evil so you got it!! See how you like that!!!

HARRY: -Confused- Like what..? Nothings chang… -Notices that MV has handcuffed him to Snape- OH GOD NOOOO!!! This is just cruel!! I can put up with being in the same room as him, as long as it's NOT at this close proximity!!!

SNAPE: -Bitingly sarcastic and SERIOUSLY P'O- And I'M utterly thrilled Potter!!

HARRY: SHUT UP!!

SNAPE: -Glares-

HARRY: -Glares back-

MV: -Wails- The silence in here is deafening!! Arrgh!! Come on you two can't you just get along!?

HARRY & SNAPE: NOPE!!! –Glare at one another-

SNAPE: It goes against my nature!!

HARRY: It goes against my sanity!!

MV: Okay OKAY!!! I get the point! But I still ain't uncuffing you!

HARRY: You know I'd never thought I'd say this but I actually miss Anne!

SNAPE: -Gasps hopefully-WHY Potter!!?? Have you truly lost your mind!!!

HARRY: No I don't think so! But at least I'm not victimized when she's here!

SNAPE: And why pray tell is that??

HARRY: Because she's too busy making fun of you –Grins-

SNAPE: -Really REALLY P'O- Why you little…… -Does a 'Homer' style strangling on Harry-

HARRY: -Chokes and gasps for air-……… H..elp!!

MV: -Majorly annoyed- SNAPE!!!!!!! Stop that now!!! I will not have you maiming another member of this production!!!

-Shocks Snape and accidentally shocks Harry in the process-

SNAPE & HARRY: ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

MV: WHOOPS!! –Whistles innocently- I forgot that metal conducts electricity er… Sorry Harry, my bad!

HARRY: -Glares at air- YOUR BAD INDEED!!!!!

MV: Ah QUIT your moanin'!! I said I was sorry!!

HARRY: HMPH!!

MV: -Sighs- You two sit tight, I've got some Floo calls to make!!

~Random amount of time passes by~

SNAPE: What time is it?

HARRY: -Aggravated- How the bloody hell should I know

SNAPE: -Shrugs jogging Harry's arm-

HARRY: Hey QUIT it!! –Yanks Snape's arm-

SNAPE: -Glares- No YOU Quit it!! –Yanks arm back-

HARRY: You! –Yanks arm-

SNAPE: You! –Yanks arm back-

HARRY: YOU! –Yanks arm-

SNAPE: YOU! –Yanks arm back-

HARRY: YOU!!!!! –Yanks arm-

SNAPE: YOU!!!!! – Yanks arm back-

HARRY: Hold on this is getting ridiculous! There has to be a better way of settling this!?

SNAPE: Suggestions? –Sneers- Although I won't expect much from you!

HARRY: -Glares- .. Slapsies??*

(*Slapsies- the classic game of attempting to slap your opponents hands, until one of you hit them. The successful person then gets to hit their unlucky opponent as hard as they like around the face.. Fun Eh?)

SNAPE: -Raises eyebrow- Slapsies.. Hmm … You're on Potter!!

HARRY: -Grins maliciously- You know you're gonna regret this don't you Professor?

SNAPE: -Sniffs haughtily- Hardly Potter.. Bring it on!!

~Five minutes later~

MV: Okay Guys I'm back!!

SNAPE: Whaa… -Looks shocked- OWW!! –Harry catches his hand-

HARRY: Haha Professor GOTCHA!!! Now I get to slap you round the face –Grins triumphantly-

SNAPE: Oh.. S*&%!! Thanks a lot MV!!

MV: Whoops!! –Whistles- Sorry Snape –Sniggers- But you have to take the forfeit!

HARRY: YES!!! 

SNAPE: I REALLY wish you wouldn't encourage him MV!!

MV: So sue me!! –Grins- Proceed Harry!!

HARRY: ALRIGHTY!!!! –Draws back hand- Prepare to meet your doom Professor!!!

SNAPE: Potter you know you are SOOOOO in detention when we get back to Hogwarts!!

HARRY: Don't you mean 'IF' we get back! Anywho it's worth it!!! –Grins mischievously-

SNAPE: Oh MEGA S*&% -Harry brings his hand around full force and catches Snape around the jaw, knocking him backwards and dragging Harry on top of him due to the Handcuffs-

MV: -Thinks humorously- Now THIS seems familiar.. I wonder if I can make another successful pairing??

HARRY: MV THAT'S GROSS!!!!!!

SNAPE: That's… Just SOOOO wrong it's unimaginable

MV: -Laughs- That's rich coming from you two, who happen to be in the compromising position. Anywho I don't do that kind of fic anyway, well at least not for you two. –Smirks-

HARRY: Right .. –Looks worried- Well I'm about to remedy the compromising position comment! –Attempts to get up-

-At this PRECISE moment (Gotta love comic timing) Minerva and Remus emerge from the other room and stumble on the compromising position-

REMUS: -Looks traumatized-… Harry??…… Oh dear…

MIN: -Wide eyed- Okay.. Snape I could understand, but.. Potter?!?

HARRY: It's not what you think –Gets up hastily dragging Snape up with him-

MIN: -Eyes handcuffs- Sure Potter…… All the current evidence doesn't point to the clearly obvious. What's that saying…… You always hurt the one you love

HARRY & SNAPE: -Look EXTREMELY ill- I'M NOT GAY!!! AND I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT LOVE HIM!!!! GROSS!!!!!

SNAPE: The handcuffs were MV's doing!! I CERTAINLY didn't ask to be attached to… 

-Sneers- … him!

HARRY: -Glares- DITTO!!

MIN: See told you, they even agree with one another!

REMUS: -Still looks traumatized-

HARRY & SNAPE: -Glare at Minerva-

MV: As entertaining as this is we REALLY have to get one with this, so if you'll give this little argument a rain check…………

MV3: -Cuts in- HEY SMAELL!!!!

MV: -Groans- Can't ANYONE come in on cue!!! And don't you DARE call me that!!!

ALL: Who's that??

MV: -Exasperated- Your host for this round! It was either her or Gilderoy Lockhart, and I think I probably would have ended up killing him!!

ALL: -Wince- So who is she???

MV3: Oh can I introduce myself SMAELL!!! PPPPLLLLEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!! 

MV: For the LAST time don't call me that!!!! –Sighs- I suppose so. Knock yourself out!

MV3: Hi there guys the names Johnny's-eeyore, or just plain old Johnny. And if anyone makes a comment about me being a girl and having a boys name they will find themselves missing appendages!!! I also happen to be SMAELL's best friend!!

MV: Will you PLEASE stop calling me that!!! Okay guys and gals here she comes!!

-A tall girl with v. short black and red hair appears. She is dressed in black combats and a black t-shirt with a skull on-

JOHNNY: Hi guys!!!! –Waves at Snape-

MV: Oh yeah –cackles- there were a few things Johnny forgot to mention… she is the biggest Snape fan I have ever met… And she'd like to and I quote 'Pinch his fictional ass'!

SNAPE: -Looks slightly scared- 

MV: I'd look scared too Snape. Remember I told you about Her2eternity –Snape nods- Well take her and multiply it by about a zillion and you get Johnny.

SNAPE: -Still looks scared- WHY???

JOHNNY: -Shrugs- I dunno? I've always had this thing for dark, mysterious, sarcastic, obnoxious types! –Grins-

MV: So like your good self the 'ey Johnny…?

JOHNNY: HEY!!! I am NOT obnoxious!!! So you shut your trap SMAELL!!

MV: AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!!

HARRY: Er.. Johnny?? What exactly does SMAELL mean??

MV: -Growls threateningly- Johnny Don't you DARE!!!! I mean it I'll shock you!!

JOHNNY: It'll be worth it!! –Smirks evilly- Well SMAELL stands for 'Small and Elf Like' 

–Gets shocked- OWW!!!

SNAPE: -Looks slightly happier at MV's discomfort- And WHY do you call her that?

JOHNNY: Well you see how tall I am (A/N: About 5.8)

ALL: -Nod-

JOHNNY: Well MV a.k.a SMAELL only just comes up to my shoulder, thereabouts! 

(A/N: This is an accurate description –sigh-)

MIN: Well that explains the 'Small' but what about the 'Elf like'?

JOHNNY: I mean elf 'LOTR' elf, not elf 'House-elf' elf. She just reminds me of an elf, I dunno why she just does. I mean she has really long hair and is a bit of a know-all, but she just reminds me of an elf because she's weird.

MV: -Pouts- Thanks a lot Johnny for outing me for the freak that I am!! You KNOW I have a thing about my height! With friends like you who needs enemies??

JOHNNY: -Apologetic- AWWWW I'm sorry MV, but they did ask!!

MV: -Grins vindictively- I know, so it is they who will be receiving my vengeance!!!

JOHNNY: So what have I missed around here?

REMUS: -Looks ill- Well we found out that Snape wants Harry and vice versa!

JOHNNY: WHAT!!!!!! –Stares at Snape in shock-

SNAPE & HARRY: For the last time I DON'T WANT HIM!!! I'M NOT GAY!!! IT WAS MV'S DOING!!!!!!

JOHNNY: -Angry and upset- SMAELL!!!!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!! IT ISN'T TRUE!!! IT ISN'T TRUE!!!

MV: Why don't you get him to prove that point then –Raises eyebrow-

JOHNNY: -Grins- I'll do just that!!!! Come to me SEVY!!! –Advances on Snape-

SNAPE: GOD!!!! I hate that nickname!!!!! –Runs away dragging Harry who is still cuffed to him along the floor-

HARRY: Professor…… Watch out for the "THUNK" –Bangs head on table leg- … Table.

REMUS: -Winces- OUCH!!! That's got to hurt

JOHNNY: -Still chasing him- SEVY!! Come here PPLLEEEAAASSEEEE!!! 

MIN: Sevy and Johnny sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G!! Ah revenge is oh so sweet!

REMUS: Do you have any idea how bad that sounds Minerva?

MIN: -Grins- YEP!!!

SNAPE: -Glares at Minerva and is tackled by Johnny- OUFF!!!!! –Lands on top of Harry- URGH!! Not this again!!

JOHNNY: Come on SEVY!!! You have to prove that you don't bat for the other team –Makes puppy dog eyes which never EVER fail-

SNAPE: -Thinks a moment- Okay then, if it gives them all the reasons they need to prove I'm not gay! –Pulls Johnny into a snog-

JOHNNY: -Punches air in victory-

HARRY: -Very raspy- C-can… you.. pl..ease get o..ff …me??

MV: -Smirking- I think NOW would be a good time to remove the handcuffs! –Clicks fingers-

HARRY: -Rather Muffled- Thanks MV –Extracts self from under Snape-

MIN: I think this is going a little far! SEVERUS! You have to allow her to breathe you know!!

SNAPE: -Flicks rude gesture in Minerva's direction, still snogging Johnny-

MV: -Wails- SNAPE!!! Please refrain from doing that!! It'll force me to up the rating and I can't be bothered!!

SNAPE: -Flicks rude gesture in MV's direction-

MV: -Slightly peeved- GRRRR……… Okay that does it!! I'm using my most evil weapon!!!

REMUS: -Shocked- WHAT!!! There is something more evil than the electric shock???

MV: -Evil- WAY more evil than that!! I give you … -Drum roll- …… The Wedgie!!!

HARRY: -Laughs manically and winces-

REMUS: -Utterly lost- The WHAT??!!??

HARRY: The Wedgie Professor. It's …… -Whispers in Remus's ear-

REMUS: -Laughs-… That's what it is……… SERIOUSLY –Harry nods, Remus cackles- MV please continue!!

MV: -Grins- You got it!! Okay Snape prepare for your WEDGIE!!! –Gives Snape a magical Wedgie ( MV: There is NO way in hell I would ACTUALLY touch his underpants)-

SNAPE: -Breaks away from Johnny hopping in pain- OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THE PAIN, THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL BAR JOHNNY: -Laugh-

JOHNNY: -Gasps for breath and Glares murderously- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR SMAELL!!!!!!! I was enjoying that!!

MV: -Rolls eyes- Obviously! But he was suffocating you!! I don't want to lose my best friend!!

JOHNNY: Ah Whatever –Jumps on Snape again-

MV: -Groans rubbing temple- Oh LORD!!! Erm … you lot might want to go next door! Once she gets started… sheesh!! Well er… put it this way, you could be hanging around for a LONG time!

REMUS & MIN: -Groan-

HARRY: Geez!! We have Sybil the second!!

JOHNNY: -Hears comment and gets HIGHLY insulted (A/N: She HATES Sybil)- HEY!!!!! I'M NOTHING LIKE THAT BATTY OLD FRAUD!!!!!!!!! –Throws random object which hits Harry in the head-

MV: Er…… thanks Harry, I had NO idea how to break them up! –Heals head wound- Right now you two have so kindly parted can we please get on with the game?

ALL: Do we have to!?!

MV: YES!!! We have this bloomin argument EVERY round!! So just get out on stage NOW!!!

ALL: -Cower slightly and sigh- Fine!

MV: Oh yeah and before I forget, this rounds theme is the Circus –Cackles and snaps fingers-

-The contestants are changed into their rather 'unique' costumes. Remus is dressed in a funky ringmasters costume. Harry is dressed like a clown (JOHNNY: Accurate description) , Minerva like a trapeze artist and Snape… Well Snape is dressed like one of the old strongmen of yore (In other words a skimpy leopard skin leotard)-

SNAPE: -Looks outraged- WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS!!!!!!!! –Points menacingly at costume-

MV: -Grins nervously- Er… that one wasn't MY idea. It was hers –Points at Johnny-

JOHNNY: -Grins evilly- Guilty as charged!! MV did say I was obsessed!!! 

MV: -Smirks- That I did!! Now get on stage you lot, time is running out and people are getting impatient!!

HARRY: Yeah, yeah!! We hear you MV!!

-All rather unhappily go out onto stage-

JOHNNY: Okay guys, in the last round you earned 250 Galleons and Minerva was the strongest link! 

–Sighs- In this round ten more seconds have been taken from the clock, and If you get a question wrong you get water bombed!! –Smirks evilly-

MV: -Caught off guard- WHAT!!!!! I didn't agree to that!!!!

JOHNNY: PWEASE!!!!! It'll be just like a wet t-shirt competition –Grins even more evilly-

MV: -Sickened slightly- And that DID NOT make your motives PAINFULLY obvious!!!

JOHNNY: Just admit you wouldn't mind if certain OTHER people got wet –Raises eyebrow suggestively- 

MV: -Hotly- I have already had this discussion several rounds ago!!!!! So don't even GO there Johnny!!!!

JOHNNY: -Innocent eyes- Go where SMAELL? I didn't say anything. –Smirks-

MV: -VVVV Frustrated- GGRRRRRRR!!!!!! FINE!!!! DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!! JUST GET ON WITH THE DAM GAME!!!!!!! 

JOHNNY: -Sighs mockingly- Fine! Okay time starts now! Minerva- Who was the first wizard to successfully perform the apparition spell?

MIN: Aberwith Havenport!

JOHNNY: Correct –Sulks- Remus –Evil grin- What is the main ingredient of a magical cough syrup?

(A/N: Don't ask! I was suffering from a SEVERE coughing attack when I wrote this question)

REMUS: Hmm…… I believe that would be Bee's honey obtained at a New Moon.

JOHNNY: Correct but…. –Lobs water balloon-.. You're still getting soaked!! 

MV: Oh no you don't –Stops balloon mid air and flings it back-

JOHNNY: -(Just) dodges- Grrr……!! That one was for you!

MV: I don't care! Now get a move on!

JOHNNY: -Sulky- FINE!!! Harry- Under which Minister of Magic were the unforgivable curses made Illegal?

HARRY: Cor that's Bloomin hard!! I have no clue!! –Looks apprehensive-

JOHNNY: The correct answer is Minister Ehren Williams. –Brightens up considerably- YAY!!! Water bomb time! Bet you wish you'd paid more attention in History of magic 'ey Potter!! –Lobs balloon-

HARRY: -Gets drenched- URGH!!!! YUCKY DAMPNESS!!!!

JOHNNY: Direct hit WAHOO!!! Snape –Bats eyelids- Give three of the twelve uses of Dragon's Blood!

SNAPE: -Backs away slowly- Erm… As part of the Elixir of life, er… an addition to protection charms and as a toilet cleaner!

HARRY: NO WAY!! It can't be a toilet cleaner!!

MV: Hey! If coke (The drink) can be used to clean toilets* then I can't see why Dragons Blood can't!!

JOHNNY:  -Clears throat- EHEM!!! That is correct –quickly lobs balloon, soaking Snape- Oops… Hand slipped –Evil grin-

MV: -Groans- I should've seen THAT one coming!

JOHNNY:  -Looks delighted- Of course you should of! –Smirks-

MV: Right on with the game!

JOHNNY: Okay! Minerva- What was the final score of the recent Quidditch world cup final between Bulgaria and Ireland?

MIN: 180-170 to Ireland!

JOHNNY:  Correct! Remus- What was the name of the Chinese wizard who first invented the firework

REMUS: Blo Nup

 (A/N: I KNOW this is a very bad joke, but it's ALL I could think of! But you have to admit it's funny in a weird way –Grins-)

JOHNNY:  -Laughs- Correct! Harry- What was the first magical trade to accept apprentices?

HARRY: -Looks slightly unsure- Wand making!

JOHNNY: Correct –Sulks- Sevy..

ALL: -Snigger-

JOHNNY: Specifically how many Prisoners have been admitted to the Azkaban fortress since it was officially opened in 1943? –Makes a kissy face-

SNAPE: -Shudders at both question and face- Erm……… 213?  
  


JOHNNY: -Looks shocked- Wow that's absolutely correct! –Attempts to fling another balloon but MV is ready and stops her- PARTY POOPER!! Minerva- what is the correct term for a wizards magic? His/ Hers essence if you will!

MIN: Oh…… I know this!!! MANA!!!

JOHNNY: Correct! Remus- What is the simplest form of the love potion?

REMUS: A pheromone potion –Shudders- I remember making those!

SNAPE: Me too. That was just NASTY –Shudders also-

JOHNNY: Pheromone potion…. Hmm there's an idea! –Evil grin-

MV: -Looks nervous- Uh oh! I seriously DO NOT want to know about that! Please just carry on with the game!

JOHNNY: -Sighs- Fine I'll tell you later then! A plan is forming!

MV: -Desperate- JOHNNY!! PLEASE!!! I've got bloody producers hounding me here!!

JOHNNY: Okay, OKAY!! Harry- Which precious stone is one of the most powerful magical aids?

HARRY: Quartz!

JOHNNY: Correct! Sevy!…

SNAPE: ARGGHH!!! BANK!! Please desist in calling me that!!

JOHNNY: Okay Sevy baby! –Snape groans and Johnny grins- What is the broomstick air speed record?

SNAPE: 235 mph!

JOHNNY: Correct!! And don't worry SMAELL I ain't gonna lob a balloon!

MV: PHEW!!

~Funky music goes~

MV: WHOOPS!! A little too much conversation that round.. Ah well –Shrugs- 

JOHNNY:  Well in that round you earned 800 Galleons!! Well in guys –grins-!! But now I ask you who has outstayed their welcome? Who IQ is as big as their……

MV: -Cutting in quickly- JOHNNY!!!! You perverse little Madame!! I know where that was going and like I said before DON'T!!! Otherwise it'll force me to up the rating!! 

JOHNNY: -Smirks evilly- You know me WAY to well MV!! Anywho it's time to vote off the weakest link!!

MV: At the end of that round Harry was the weakest link as he answered the most questions incorrectly! Snape –Groans- was the strongest link as he banked money and got all his questions correct! But will the votes follow the stats!

JOHNNY: Okay you lot! Time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!

MIN: Harry! Sorry Potter.

REMUS: Snape! –Glares-

HARRY: -Imitates Johnny- Sevy baby –Laughs hysterically-

JOHNNY: -Flings another water balloon at Harry, who shuts up after getting soaked a 2nd time-

SNAPE: -Smirks at Johnny- Harry!

REMUS: -Glares at Snape with a ' You are so gonna regret that' look-

JOHNNY: Okay it appears we have a tie!! So as usual the strongest link casts the deciding vote. And in this round it was … -Grins- Sevy!!

ALL: -Groan for various reasons-

HARRY: Well it was nice knowing you guys!

REMUS & MIN: -Nod-

JOHNNY: So Sevy, who do you want to get rid of? Your dear desirable self…

ALL: -Go green- 

JOHNNY: -Glares- Or Harry?

SNAPE: Hmm let me think about it… DONE!! Bye Potter!

HARRY: -Jumps up in celebration- At Last!! Mercy, MERCY I'm FREE!!!!!!

MV: -Pouting- Geez there is no need to be so happy!!

HARRY: Oh but there is!! –Starts dancing round the stage-

JOHNNY: -Sighs- Well with two votes you are the weakest link……… Goodbye!!

-Harry practically runs off stage followed by Johnny who is pelting him with her entire stash of water bombs-

MV: -Sighs- Stop that Johnny!!

JOHNNY: -Sulks- Fine then ……… I'm not allowed any fun!!!

MV: Oh I wouldn't worry about that Johnny! You might be getting some fun very soon!! I'll talk to ya later about it!! –Grins evilly-

JOHNNY: -Grins evilly back- REALLY!!! ……Oh that sounds like a plan!!!

MV: -Still grinning- YEP!! But for now I'll spare you the details except that it will be VERY entertaining…… Well for you and me at least!!

ALL: -Groan-

MV: -Mafia style- AW SHADUPA YA FACE!! –Normal- Anywho Johnny, time for you to leave my friend!!

JOHNNY: AWWW!! Do I have to? –Puppy eyes-

MV: Unfortunately yes! Sorry mate!… Er do you want to say your goodbyes?

JOHNNY: HELL YEAH!!! –Runs over and pounces on Snape and 'Fornicate'-

MV: -Groans- DAM THAT GIRL!!! Erm …… Remus, Minerva I have a feeling that this is going to be a 

L-O-N-G goodbye. So why don't you two head next door?

REMUS: What about the costumes?

MV: -Sighs- Okay I'll get rid of em' …… On second thoughts better leave Snape in his or Johnny will murder me! –Remus and Minerva shudder-

MV: -Clicks fingers- There you go!!

MIN: Thanks!  I think we'll just go next door -Grabs Remus by the hand and drags him next door-

MV: -Sigh- I think it's time to draw a curtain over these activities! Sheesh what madness have I brought upon myself!! –Stumbles off muttering incoherently-


	8. Round Seven: Quaffing and Karaoke

A/N: Guys and gals I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry this has taken so bleeding long to complete…. But it's finally here at last and we're finally nearing the finishing post. Only three more rounds and an uber final chapter to go. Enjoy peeps!!

A/N2: Okay I was a little late on the time of update, but it's here! I'm apologizing now for being such a lazy bint! SORRY!!! Go on read already!!

M.G

The Weakest Link: A special edition.

Round 7: Quaffing and Karaoke!

MV: And welcome back to round 7 of the weakest link….. Man has this one been taking it's time. But finally after much stewing in production hell it's here and ready to roll. At the end of the last round Harry was voted off after the vote came to a tie and the general populace was grossed out by Johnny's antics. So without further ado I give Round 7…..

REMUS: -Childish- I'm BORED!!!!!

MIN: Me too –Sighs-

SNAPE: Ditto!

MIN: -Shocked- Did I just hear right??? Severus agreeing with us??

SNAPE: Hardy har har Minerva! I agree with you, it doesn't exactly mean I relish the decision.

REMUS: Come now Snape… There is no need to act like that!

SNAPE: Oh but there is Lupin! I'm stuck in a room with two of my worst enemies, with no means of escape being forced to participate in some assine game show with horrendous hosts!!!

MIN: -Haughty- HEY!!! We aren't exactly charmed by the idea either you know! If the other room hadn't been closed I'd be in there right now just to get away from you and your moaning gob!!!

SNAPE: Someone's bloody hormonal this month!

MIN: -Growls- Don't MAKE me slap you Snape!

SNAPE: -Offhandedly- Oh I would just LOVE to see you try!

MIN: Don't tempt me!! It's only my overwhelming respect for……. Er… My overwhelming respect for what exactly?

REMUS: -Shrugs- I don't know… Just belt him one, It'll make you feel better.

MIN: Hmmm Right, you raise a good point there. –Rolls up sleeve-

MV: Er… I wouldn't do that Minerva. Much as it amuses me and it really, really does. Certain people –Cough- Johnny –Cough- aren't too happy and think I'm picking on him WAY too much.

SNAPE: God bless that girl –Grins smarmily-

REMUS & MIN: -Sigh defeatedly-

MV: Sorry to ruin your fun guys, but I PROMISE I'll make it up to you!! Because as our final three are adults I can afford to bring in a few surprises….

SNAPE: -Sarcastic- And what pray tell is that.!?

MV: -Nervously- Er… This…

-A mini-bar appears-

MIN: ALCOHOL!!???!! YOUR GIVING US **ALCOHOL**!!!!

MV: Yep!! I feel you guys needed a little something y'know to help you relax.

SNAPE: You MEAN get us drunk!

MV: -Innocently- Why of COURSE not! What kind of a person do you take me for?

SNAPE: A demented one! Hell bent on humiliating us completely!

ALL: -Nod in agreement-

MV: Awwww and that REALLY hurts my feelings!

SNAPE: I wish I could do more than just hurt your feelings.

MV:  And I'm like SOOOOOOOO scared!!!!

SNAPE: You should be!

MV: Ah stop being such a sour puss!!!

REMUS & MIN: -Laugh-

SNAPE: I AM NOT A SOUR PUSS!!!

MV: Sure you ain't and is that a happy aura I feel coming off you –Notes Sev's glare- Okay Okay! Enough griping….. enjoy your presents!! Oh yeah… Before I forget… the other room is open again.

-A few random moments pass-

MIN: Ah SOD this!! I don't care what her intentions are…. All I know is that I need a bloody drink!

SNAPE: Me too…. Pass me the Bourbon Minerva!

MIN: -Glares- I AM NOT your maid Severus…. Get it yourself!

SNAPE: FINE!!! –Gets up and grabs bottle of bourbon-

MIN: Remus –Grins evilly- Do you want anything?

SNAPE: Oh that's sooo bloody hypocritical!

MIN: That's true…. But the difference is I like him. The same however cannot be said for yourself, whom I rate on par with a Blast-ended skrewt.

SNAPE: -Looks Murderous-

REMUS: EH HEM! There is really no need to fight you two…. Were not exactly acting like responsible adults are we?

MIN & SNAPE: -Looks at Remus stupidly-

MIN: Like was stated previously…. Since when have we been responsible?

SNAPE: Never really! We're only responsible when the students are around

MIN: My point exactly! So how about that drink?

REMUS: Erm….. I still don't know… I really shouldn't due to y'know

MIN: Come on Remus….. Live a little!!

REMUS: I'm still not sure…..

SNAPE: -Takes BIG swig of bourbon- What's the matter Lupin ……. Scared!!

REMUS: -Growls- You… WISH! –Goes over and grabs random bottle and starts gulping it down-

MIN: Go Remus……. –Looks slightly worried- Er….. What exactly was that stuff?

REMUS: -Staggers slightly- I dunno? –Hands empty bottle to Minerva-

MIN: -Eyes widen- Oh… SHIT!!! This is firewhiskey!! And he just drank a WHOLE BOTTLE!!!!

SNAPE: -Looks puzzled- And what's the problem with that??

MIN: This stuff is like 90% alcohol!! You're only supposed to drink it in shots and even then it'll make you go blind for a week!!

SNAPE: Sounds like the voice of experience there Minerva!

MIN: Shut up Snape!

SNAPE: Or what?..... Anyway I fail to see what you're point is Minerva, so he drunk some whiskey, big deal!

MIN: -Shrieking- Big DEAL!!! He drank a WHOLE BOTTLE Severus!! That stuff puts bleach to shame! And because of that we are going to have one VERY drunk werewolf on our hands when it kicks in!!!!

SNAPE: Oh that can't be good! He's idiotic enough sober, I'd hate to see him drunk!

MIN: -Yelling- WELL IT'S A BIT BLOODY LATE FOR THAT!!!!! –Glares- WHY did you have to challenge him!!

SNAPE: Aw come on Minerva…. He was being a total chicken, you have to see the funny side of this. –Evil grin-

MIN: WHAT FUNNY SIDE!!!

REMUS: -Slurred- Did… someone mention chicken…. I'm starved! Hic -Sways on spot and falls over-

MIN: -Shakes head- MV is going to kill us!!

SNAPE: Why??? –Takes another swig-

MIN: We got Remus so drunk that he is only just capable of standing and highly unlikely to answer any questions whatsoever! He can't even speak in a coherent sentence for Gods sake!!!

SNAPE: -Slightly drunk- The only reason MV will be mad is because her 'little Remy' will be acting like a total arse! –Cackles evilly-

MIN: SEVERUS THIS **ISN'T FUNNY** YOU BLOODY IDIOT!!!!! THIS IS ALLYOUR FAULT!!!!

SNAPE: How is it my fault??.... I didn't force him to drink it! Besides it IS funny! And in times of panic…. Like now what do most people do? Get DRUNK that's what! And that is what I intend to do right now! –Takes another gulp-

MIN: -Shrugs- If you can't beat 'em join 'em –Grabs bottle of scotch-

30 minutes later

MIN: -REALLY slurred- S…so whatch.. 'hic'….. thinks next……… door 'hic'

SNAPE: -Also slurred- Dunno…… 'hic' wanna….g-go.. 'hic' see?

MIN: -Grins stupidly-… YEAH!!!!!... could be…'hic' fun.

SNAPE: whatabout… wolfboy?

MIN: Wolfboy….. 'hic' you comin' next door 'hic'?

REMUS: -Flat on face-  WHAA???...... M'..OK –Crawls over and attempts to stand-

MIN: C-come on you two –Grabs both by wrists and drags them next door-

-The other room has been changed into some kind of karaoke bar. On the stage a band has been set up 'Lucius and the evil gits' emblazed over the drum kit-

SNAPE: Goodey…… some music!!!

MIN: They better be good….. 'hic' or else I'll …. Er….

REMUS: Pelt them with….. absurd photo's of…… naked faculty members? –Staggers slightly-

MIN & Snape: -Look at him traumatized.-

MIN: Mental note…. –hic- don't –hic- give wolfboy alcohol.

SNAPE:- Head flops forward in agreement-

-Eventually the band 'struts out' Lucius leads followed by other random band members-

LUC: -Grabs mike- Are you ready to rock!!!

REMUS: -Lobs random suspiciously empty bottle at Lucius- Get…. On with….. it –Hic- …. –Falls face first into table-

MIN: -Groans drunkedly-

LUC: -Glares at the now semi-conscious Remus- OKAY to start all you rock chicks off were gonna for you a little tune called Sev the P king

MV: -Groans- Johnny!!!!! Oh wait till I get my hands on her. Bloody slipping in her perverse yet strangely amusing work.

-Lucius starts singing the tune which is 'Jack the Pumpkin king' (Jack's Lament) from the Nightmare before Christmas-

MIN: Hey…. –hic- he hasn't got a bad voice –looks as mildly impressed as she can-

Snape: I've…… heard better –hic-

-Music finishes and magical applause starts-

REMUS: -Yells drunkedly- You were flat Malfoy –Lobs another suspiciously empty bottle at Lucius-

LUC: -Looks highly offended- That shows what you know! YOU TONE DEAF FLEA BAG!!!

REMUS: I am NOT tone deaf!!!

SNAPE: You're just a flea bag then?!

REMUS: NO you stupid greasy git!!! –Growls-

MIN; GEEZ!!! –Hic- And I thought he was a pacifist!!

LUC: Er..... Hello you are supposed to be PRAISING me!!!

ALL: SHUT UP!!!!!!

SNAPE: Anyway Malfoy… I'm inclined to agree with the mutt –Remus squeaks in indignation- I could sing better in a drunken stupor!!

LUC: Erm…. Care to prove that point Severus. After all you are in said drunken state

SNAPE: -Grins manically- Gladly!!! –Leaps up and stumbles onto stage-

MV: Oh LORDY!!! Snape's gonna sing!!! I gotta get a camera……. I gotta get Johnny! –Runs off-

MIN: Hey when did the voice get back?

REMUS: -Looks up- I dunno…. –Head flops forward-

-Snape is now ready to sing-

SNAPE: Right band! Start playing –The band start playing the tune to WAR!-

MIN: Hey I love this song!!!

SNAPE:  -Swings mic into hand knocking out a band member in the process- WAR! HUH!!!! What is it good for…. Absolutely nothing sing it again!!! –Continues along this vein.

Meanwhile

MV: He-he told you Johnny!! Hmmm!!! He ain't got a bad voice!!

JOHNNY: WAHOO!!! Nice one SMAELL!!!! This was your best idea yet!!!  All we need now is………

MV: Bad Johnny!!! Don't say it!!!

JOHNNY: -Pouts- I didn't mean that!!! Well I probably do now! But what I actually meant was this –clicks fingers and swarm of Snape's fan-girls/ fan-authors appear-

MV: -Looks mildly disturbed- HEY this is my fic how come you can do that! This is the last thing I currently need Johnny!!

FANS: Whooooo!!! Go Snapie go!!!

MV: -Groans and shakes head- I REALLY should step in…… but not until after this song….

10 minutes later

MV: Okay I've had all I can take and can't take no more!!! You lot! –Throws fangirls evil look- Out! NOW!!!

FANS: Awwww just five more minutes!!!

MV: NO!!! I've got to get this round done!!! –Herds then all out bar Johnny-

JOHNNY: Ah well it was nice while it lasted!.... –Notes MV's look-…. WHAT?

MV: JOHNNY!!!! Don't you dare do that again!!!

JOHNNY: OKAY! I promise –Fingers crossed behind back-

MV: Right… whatever… now shoo!!!! If anything comes up I'll call!

JOHNNY: You better had!! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!! Bye SMAELL!!!

MV: Bye Johnny!..... Right time to get things rolling!!!

Back downstairs

SNAPE: -Bows- Thank you….. thank you!!

LUC: Okay you can get of now Severus…. –Shoves Snape off stage-

SNAPE: -Falls off into table- Dam… you –hic-  I shall have vengeance for this…….. –hic- travesty!!!

MV: Ah quit complaining Snape!

REMUS: Yeah Snapey! You sucked at vengeance back then……and you still –hic- suck at vengeance now!

SNAPE: HEY!! He didn't ….get –Hic-  shocked!

MV: He's bloody wasted….. I think I am going to allow that one to slide!

SNAPE: -Slurred whisper- Biased bitch!

MV: I HEARD THAT! But to prove you wrong I ain't gonna shock you for it!

MIN: Hah… -hic- get told you… you ignoramus –giggles-

MV: Oh Lordy dee… this is not going to be pleasant… why oh why in Gods name did I give them alcohol!!!!

REMUS: Hey….. you gave us the alcohol…..-hic- thanks random voice thingy….- Gives thumbs up to air swaying slightly-

MV: -Groans-…. Oh what am I gonna do…….. ah shit! Well I can't do anything now! –Shrugs-

SNAPE: You know….. what…

ALL: WHAT?

SNAPE: I forgot why were here!!

MV: -Does Anime style crash to the floor-………… Okay THAT DOES IT! Everyone out onto the set RIGHT NOW!

MIN: Yeesh… -hic- what's her damage!

MV: SET NOW!!

-All stagger onto set-

MIN: -Stands behind Sybil's podium- Hey this isn't my name…. my names Min….. Er well it begins with Min…..-Hic- not Sybil!!

REMUS: -Giggles-  He-he you don't even know your own name…. silly woman!!!

MIN: -SERIOUSLY P'O- WHAT DID YOU -Hic- CALL ME!!!!!!! –Slaps Remus-

REMUS: Er…………. I can't remember…. –Slumps over platform- OOOoooo pretty shiny floor!!

MV: Oh dear Merlin….. what madness have I wrought upon thee!!!

SNAPE: I wish the voice thingy maniggy would shut up……….. it's making me see double!!

MV: -Slaps forehead- That's the alcohol doing that!! IDIOT!!

REMUS: Ha-ha you're an idiot –Giggles again to floor-

MV: -Bangs head on control desk- This- is- not- good, this- is- so- not- good!

-Anne walks on set bandaged up-

MIN: Look…. At that –Hic- a ..Red head……. Must be a Weasley! –Hic-

ANNE: -Glares murderously- I am NOT A WEASLEY!!! Bloody hell MV what did you do to them?!

MV: -Innocently- I technically didn't DO anything…… They did it to themselves!! I just gave them a little push down the path!

ANNE: -Raises eyebrow suspiciously- And HOW pray tell did you do that?

MV: -Smirks- I gave them an extremely full mini-bar!

ANNE: -Shocked- Please tell me you are kidding!!!! You're insane aren't you!!!

SNAPE: YUP!! I'd say she is!! –Laughs-

MV: -Haughty- Oi Snape!!! Watch your bloody mouth…. I'm not insane… I'm just hyperactive y'know!! There is a big difference!!!

ANNE: -Sarcastic- Sure there is!!! And now they're roaring drunk and **I **have to put up with them!!!!

MV: I'd say that's genius!! Not insanity!!!

ANNE: YOU WOULD!!!!

MV: YUP!! Right lets get this on the road…… Today's theme is dun-dun-dunnnnn Cowboys and Indians!

ALL: -Look blank-

MV: Enjoy !!!–Snaps fingers-

-Everyone is instantly changed. Snape and Remus are dressed in traditional cowboy gear…. Ten gallon hats, chaps and all and Minerva is dressed as an Indian squall.-

SNAPE: Oh goody guns!!... –Pulls them out and waves them around- BANG! BANG!

ALL: -Try not to laugh-

ANNE: -Coughs- Okay… Right! Snape was the strongest link at the end of the last round. Ten more seconds have been taken from the clock starting ………now! Snape- what is the name of the implement used to select the champions for the Triwizard Tournament?

SNAPE: -Still waving guns- He-he-he Bang! Bang!

ANNE: -Groans and shakes head- Lord this is impossible! No Snape you drunkard!! It's called the Goblet of fire! Minerva- Beauxbatons is one of two schools of magic in France. What is the other?

MIN: Er… Farance…? –Hic- Wherezat??

ANNE: WRONG!!! It's called Escolemajic!! Remus –Looks at him worriedly- Er….. are you sure it's okay to ask him a question?

REMUS: -Muffled- hey I'm…. Okay? –Gives her thumbs up still slumped over podium-

ALL: Er…. Okay?

MV: Come on!! We're on a time limit!!!

ANNE: -Sighs- Fine! Remus- What  is the required speed limit when travelling on a broom freeway?

REMUS: Er… -Hic- Dorito's?

ANNE: -Groans and bangs head on podium- I –Bang- AM –Bang- NOT –Bang- Working –Bang- UNDER –Bang- THESE –Bang- CONDITIONS!!!! –Gets shocked-

MV: GET ON WITH IT!!!!!

ANNE: -Sniffs- FINE! Snape- Who was the captain of the English Quidditch team when they won the world cup in 1819?

SNAPE: Er…… Norbert… something or other –Hic-

ANNE: WRONG completely and utterly! The correct answer is Oliver Heine! Minerva- What is the first letter of the alphabet?

MIN: Er………….

ANNE: WRONG!!! The right answer is 'A'. Remus what is 2 2?

MV: HEY! What's with the lame questions?

ANNE: They're totally WASTED!!! As if they can answer even the simplest of questions!!

MV: Hmm… you raise a good point Anne!.... Carry on!

REMUS: Er… What was the… question –Hic-?

ANNE: -Yells- WHAT IS 2 2!!!!

REMUS: How –Hic- dumb do you think I am? –Hic- the answer is 4 … or is it 5? –Hic-

SNAPE: It's 4 you stupid goit!!... –Gets shocked- HEY YOU STUPID….. –Realises he should shut up- … Er… what was I doing?

ANNE: Four is the correct answer Remus. Snape- What did Little Boy Blue blow?

ALL: -Shriek with laughter-

SNAPE: Er.. –Hic- his… di…

MV: -Cuts in hastily- DON'T SAY IT!!!! OMG!!! I can't believe he almost said that!!

SNAPE: I was going to say Dictaphone… Idiot!!

ANNE: -Yells- AND YOU STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG!!!! My god this is impossible!!! Minerva-

MIN: BANK!!!

ANNE: -REALLY P'O-  YOU DPN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO BANK!!!!

MIN: -Plays with braid- Well EXCUSE me Miss Sassy Pants!!!!!! –Giggles-

ANNE: -Glares at Minerva- Minerva- What is your name!!!

MIN: HA!!.... that's easy!!... it's Anne!...

ANNE: -Mutters a series of expletives I will delete for modesties sake- THAT IS WRONG!!!

-Funky music goes-

ANNE: Thank every available deity for that!.. MV do you hear me I QUIT!!!! I refuse to work under these conditions…. YOU HEAR ME!!! –Shakes fist at air-

MV: Yeah, yeah I hear you. I believe we shall discuss this later…. AFTER the round is finished!

ANNE: What's the point?... the so inebriated they can't see straight and in Remus' case stand up!

MV: -Threateningly- Anne!!.... finish it or else!!!

ANNE: Fine fine….. At the end of this round you bunch of retards managed earn absolutely nothing… nadda … zip! It's time for you to ditch the idiot! Lose the loser…. Time to vote of the weakest link!!

MV: In the last round Minerva was the weakest link and Remus was the strongest (yay!) but the votes follow the facts!

ANNE: -Looks miffed- It's time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!

MIN: Snape!

REMUS: Er… that one –Jabs thumb at Minerva-

SNAPE: Minerva –hic-

ANNE: Remus, why Minerva?

REMUS: -Shrugs- I dunno I had to pick someone.. –hic-… I thought I picked the greasy one?

ANNE: NOPE! You pointed at your girlfriend!

MIN: REMUS HOW COULD YOU, YOU MEANIE!!! –Hic- -Smacks him round the back of the head-

REMUS: -Looks dazed-

SNAPE: -Laughs-

ANNE: -Sighs- Minerva with two votes you are the weakest link… goodbye!

SNAPE: That means get off the stage you OAF!!

MIN: -Mutters something I'd rather not repeat and staggers off-

-Backstage-

MIN: Who's…. going to win??..... Win what…… -hic-… what are you going on about…….. OOOoooo Rabbit – Chases after rabbit in cat form-

MV: Thank god that's over!!! Now if you two would kindly go back to the waiting room!

REMUS: -Attempts to move and slides to floor-

SNAPE: -Points and Laughs-

MV: -Growls at Snape-….. Perhaps I'd better magic him there

SNAPE: But what about me….. –Pouts-

MV: FINE THEN!.... I'll magic you both there AND get rid of your costumes at the same times –Snaps fingers-

-They land on the waiting room couches and fall instantly asleep-

MV: Thank Merlin for that

ANNE: -Coughs very conspicuously-

MV: Okay Anne… lets talk about your contract!

ANNE: Good!! –Walks off backstage-

MV: I think you'll be quite impressed with my offer –Evil Smirk-

A/N: OMG!!! It's finished I finally got this chapter finished after –Counts on fingers- 10 ½ months…. Yeesh that's really BAD! Well I'm afraid I'm going to ask for something I have asked for before now…. –Shudders- PAR-TI-CI-PA-TION! So who would you like to win… either leave it in you review or e-mail me… I'm really stuck and can't decide!

Thanks for being so patient guys and gals! I appreciate it!

M.G J


	9. Round Eight: The Hangover Strikes Back

No it is not your imagination…. I have actually updated…. It has to be some form of small miracle I know but well, here it is!

The Weakest Link: A Special Edition

A/N: Okay currently feeling very icky! I'm off ill from college and thought I'd use the free time to get this done. So I hope it is appreciated. Damn flu! Anywho on with the show…..

Dis: Same as usual… don't own anything, never will!!

Round 8: The Hangover Strikes back

MV: Hi there and welcome back! We're doing pretty okay and I even managed to work in a lame Star Wars parody into the title. Go me! Anywho the last round was quite…… insane…. But then again I suppose it is my fault, but hey I didn't tell them to drink ALL the alcohol in the mini-bar. Anyway back to the fic. Minerva was voted off at the end of the last round and they earned well…. Nothing! LOL

-Camera pans to white room-

REM/ SNAPE: ZZZ –Snore- ZZZZZZ –Snore-

MV: Aw they look so peaceful…... BUT WHO CARES!!! –Snaps fingers and V. loud alarm goes off-

REM: -Falls off couch- OOOOOOOO my head….. –Grabs head-.. Did anyone get the number of that truck!!

SNAPE: What on earth are you talking about –Clutches head in pain- .. But then again that's not unusual for you to talk out of your ass Lupin.

REM: -Growls- Don't push me Snape! Now is not the time or the place!

SNAPE: -Mockingly- AWWWW has goody, goody Remus got an ickle hangover….

REM: Like you're one to talk! You're the one clutching your head as though Big Ben is ringing in it.

SNAPE: -Glares-

REM: -Glares back-

REM: This is getting us nowhere! –Winces- What do you remember from last night?

SNAPE: Why should you care!.... It's quite apparent that you have no morals anyway.

REM: -Smirks- I'll take that as nothing then.

SNAPE: It's none of your DAM BUSINESS!

REM: It IS my business because we were both here! –Realises something-… OH MY GOD!!! I voted Minerva off!!! Geez I must have been annihilated!

SNAPE: -Smirks- Oh you were…. But I suppose drinking a whole bottle of Firewhiskey will do that to you!

REM: -Shocked- .. A…… WHOLE ……. Bottle….. of Firewhiskey!!??!!

SNAPE: YUP! –Winces- Urrgh!

REM: You're kidding! You must be…. I'd never do that!

MV: Unfortunately Remus you did………… I have proof right here!

REM: -Looks terrified-

SNAPE: -Snickers-

MV: I wouldn't laugh Severus! I have some rather juicy little things on you as well!

SNAPE: -Pales-

REM: What do you want?!

MV/SNAPE: HUH????

REM: What do you want from us that will ensure that, that information will not be circulated around Hogwarts!?

MV: You're trying to BRIBE me!!!

SNAPE: You're trying to BRIBE her!!!

REM: Normally it goes against my nature, but in this case the greater need prevails!

SNAPE: And the greater need would be…..

REM: My…. I mean 'Our' dignity and respect!

SNAPE: Hmmm….. Good point….. So what do you want MV!

MV: -Evil Grin- OOOOOOOO decisions, decisions! To be perfectly honest I haven't got a clue!

REM: WHAT! Come on there has to be something we can bargain with.

SNAPE: Yeah…. We can give you fame, wealth. We could always kill someone for you.

REM: SEVERUS!!!! –Winces- Ow shouldn't have yelled that.

SNAPE: -Sighs- What's wrong with that Lupin? It was only a suggestion!

MV: And not a suggestion I will be taking advantage of….. unless…. No! Bad MV, Bad MV!!! –Slap is heard-

SNAPE: -Looks sad-

REM: Nice to see someone has morals around here.

MV: Morals??... What are they?.... are they some kind of sweet like Minstrels??

REM: Never mind…. I'd like to strike my last comment from the record.

MV: I was kidding!! I KNOW what morals are. I just don't abide by most of them.

SNAPE: Like stated before you are a PSYCHOPATH!

MV: Not quite but close enough!

REM: You know what I just realised something… we don't actually KNOW what MV has on us!

SNAPE: Hey! That's right!

MV: Ah…. So you don't believe me?

REM: It's not that…. I would just like to know the extent of the dirt you have on us!

MV: AH! I believe a demonstration is in order!

REM/ SNAPE: -Look scared-

MV: Take a seat and I'll show you –They do- Okay you two push the screen in! –Two ghosts shove in a cinema screen- Hey the budgets been extended… Cool! Anywho run film!!!!

VIDEO: -MV's voice- And welcome back…….

-25 minutes later-

REM/ SNAPE: -Look even more scared and traumatized-

MV: -Laughs- OMG!!!! I wish you could see the looks on your faces! It's absolutely priceless!

SNAPE: I don't think this is priceless at ALL!! I swear if ANY of that sees the light of day YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO FINISH THIS!!!!!

MV: Hey we have an arrangement don't we! I won't break it as long as you keep your end of the bargain!

REM: But what about AFTER our end has been fulfilled?..... You'll still have the tape.

MV: DAMN! FINE! Okay you win! After you have done the favour for me I will destroy ALL the evidence… FAIR!

REM: Perfectly!

SNAPE: Don't tell em you actually trust her! SHE'S INSANE!

REM: -Peed off- LISTEN SNAPE!!! I have to trust her, WE have to trust her. We don't really have much choice in the situation!

SNAPE: -Glares at floor- I'm stating now for the record that I am only agreeing to this insanity because I have no choice in the situation! Not because I agree with you or trust HER!

MV: I suppose I should take that as a compliment! The fact I am distrusted by Snape is a great honour!

REM: MV you forget that Snape doesn't even trust his own mother.

SNAPE: I should think NOT! She was a bloody demented cow! Even worse than Black's mother.

REM: -Winces- OUCH!

MV: From what I've heard about Sirius's mother I actually feel sympathetic….

REM: -Mock shock- Dear God! It's a miracle! She HAS emotions!

MV: -Growls- Oh har, bloody har Remus! Don't make me do something you'll regret!

REM: -Looks confused- Um…. How exactly will I regret it? I mean you're the one doing it.

SNAPE: He's got you there!

MV: -Glares- SHUT UP!!! You just will okay!!!

REM/ SNAPE: -Look nervous-

MV: You guys should just be grateful that I let you sober up naturally!!!

REM/ SNAPE: -Looks even more nervous-

SNAPE: I REALLY don't even want to KNOW about that one!

REM: For once I am in total agreement!

MV: Are you sure you don't –Evil smirk-

REM/ SNAPE: Were sure!! –Shudder and wince at headache-

MV: Anywho I think you should probably go back on set.. after all time is money and…. Well time.

REM: Man you are so messed up in the brain!

MV: Why thank you! Now get back on the set!

-All traipse back on the set muttering mutinously as loud as their hangovers will allow them.-

MV: Come on guys look lively!

SNAPE/ REM: -Just glare-

-Anne reappears on set-

REM: NOOOO she's back!!

MV: Back again… Annie's back tell a friend

ALL: -Looks blank-

REM: Anywho… I thought you said you were quitting!

ANNE: Let's just say I was made a very generous offer.

SNAPE: -Smirks evilly- Ooooo you were made an 'Offer'…

ANNE/ MV: -Almighty glare of death-

SNAPE: -Cowers- I'll be good.

MV: Damned straight.

ANNE: If you must know you dirty minded simpleton she offered to double my pay and also sprung for an all expenses paid holiday.

SNAPE: I thought you had budget problems?

MV: -Evil grin- They were resolved….

SNAPE: Kilroy again?

MV: Nah… he got sacked… Balamory this time.

SNAPE: Stealing from a kids show… that's so bad… brilliant!

REM: -Vein throbbing- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE!!!! WHY DID YOU DO ALL THAT MV!!!! We were trying to get rid of her, your guest presenters were so much more fun! And you stole funds from a KIDS show, tut tut young lady!

ANNE: -Looks highly offended-

MV: It needed to be done!!!.... Wait a minute… you're saying you actually preferred my psychopathic sister and best friend!

SNAPE/ REM: YES!!!

MV: COOL!! I'm sure S.J and Johnny are gonna be thrilled about that!

ANNE: Well I'm not thrilled! Who the hell are S.J and Johnny?!?

MV: -Little nervous- Um… your replacements while you were injured.

ANNE: -Homicidal rage look- My WHAT!!!!!

REM: Uh-Oh… She's gonna blow!! Hit the deck!!!

ANNE: MY REPLACEMENTS!!! HOW DARE YOU EVEN DREAM OF REPLACING ME!!!

MV: I HAD NO BLOODY CHOICE!!! I COULDN'T STOP THE SHOW JUST BECAUSE YOU'D BEEN POTENTIALLY MURDERED!!!

REM/ SNAPE: -Clutch heads in pain-

ANNE: YOU SHOULD HAVE!! I AM WHAT MAKES THIS SHOW!! IT IS NOTHING WITHOUT ME!!!

MV: WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU COST A TON IN HOSPITAL BILLS!!

ANNE: I'M WORTH EVERY PENNY!!!

SNAPE: My God what an ego……

ALL: -Stare at Snape-

SNAPE: -Confused- WHAT!?

MV: And you haven't……?

SNAPE: NO…!

ALL: -Sceptical look-

SNAPE: I haven't…… Stop looking at me like that!!

MV: -Shakes head- Okay you lot… that's enough 'freaking out Snape' for today! We have a show to do! Lets see… today's theme is….

REM: -Groans- Do we have to do the stupid theme thingy. There is only two of us left!

SNAPE: He does have a point MV.

MV: Well tough! This is my show and I'm gonna do whatever I want! And I want to do themed rounds so meh –Sticks out tongue-

REM: Ah well… we tried.

SNAPE: -Nods-

MV: Urgh I can't stand it when you two agree… that's just fundamentally WRONG! Anywho today's theme is 'Doctors and Nurses'. Have fun people! –Snaps fingers-

-Instantly our contestants are changed into their costumes. Snape is dressed in a traditional doctors' outfit and Remus… Well Remus is dressed in a nurses' outfit.-

SNAPE: -Laughs hysterically-

REM: -Looks traumatised- MV!!!!!!!!!! How could you do this to me!!! Not drag AGAIN!!!

MV: -Innocent- What? It isn't that bad!

REM: YES IT IS!!!!....... I…I'm… I'm in a bloody mini skirt and high heels!! I'd say that was pretty bad!!! –Winces and staggers wildly-

SNAPE: -Still laughing- Nice legs Lupin.

REM: -Glares evilly- GAAAHHHHH!!!

SNAPE: -Falls to the floor clutching stomach, laughing hysterically and rolling in the proverbial flowerbed of stupidity-

ANNE: Why oh WHY do I put up with this?!?!?!

MV: Because I pay you too OKAY!!!

ANNE: For the mental and physical torture you've subjected me too I should be asking for more!!!

MV: -Outraged- YOU RUTHLESS MONEY SCROUNGING TV-HOARE!!!! I'm paying…… okay let me rephrase that. The BBC is paying you plenty! And besides it serves you right!... A little piece of revenge for those poor souls you've traumatised over the years!!

RANDOM EX CONTESTANTS: W00T!!!!

MV/ ANNE: -Glare at each other-

REM: Now, now children. Let's not fight!!!

ANNE: -P'Off- Shut it nursie!!!!

REM: -Growls-

SNAPE: -Still laughing- This is GOLD, UTTER GOLD!!!

REM: -Growls louder-

MV: Okay this is gonna get nasty!! –Snaps fingers-

-Remus is changed into a surgeon's outfit-

REM: -Looks happier- Better, much better!!

SNAPE: -Looks disappointed- Awww you wrecked my fun!!!!

MV: -Shrugs- Meh! Whatcha gonna do!!

ANNE: -Still P'Off- Can we get this started some time this MILLENIUM!!

MV: Ah quit your whining!! Were moving already!!

ANNE: Bout friggin time!!

REM/ SNAPE: -Wince due to headaches-

MV: -Sigh-

ANNE: Anyway at the end of the last round you pathetic drunken losers earned absolutely nothing…

REM/ SNAPE: -Glare-

ANNE:…. And you voted of Minerva. Who had been one of the strongest players in the game. You cowardly low lives!

REM/ SNAPE: -Almighty glare of death-

MV: -Coughs- Um.. Anne you might just want to get on with it.

ANNE: Do I tell you how to do YOUR JOB!

MV: Well… No

ANNE: My point exactly! I'll do my job, MY WAY!

MV: -Mutters- Bloody celebrities!

ANNE: I heard that! Back on track however…. At the end of the last round Remus was the strongest link so we will start the round with him. Once again ten seconds have been taken away, and in this round the money you earn is tripled. The round begins NOW! Remus- Who was the inventor of the 'Imperious' curse?

REM: Er… -Winces due to usage of brain-… um Morgana Le Fey!

ANNE: Correct!

SNAPE: Swot!

REM: -Glares-

ANNE: Snape- What is the primary ingredient of a 'location potion'?

SNAPE: -Looks smug- An artefact belonging to the person

ANNE: Correct!

REM: Know all!!

SNAPE: -Growls-

ANNE: Remus- Which plant is used in common earache cures?

REM: Lobelia.

ANNE: Correct!

SNAPE: Book worm!!

ANNE: Snape- What is the quantity of broomsticks made each year, to the nearest thousand?

SNAPE: Nine thousand!

ANNE: Correct!

REM: Smart arse!

MV: Okay quit it with the name calling…… it's getting OLD!!!

REM/ SNAPE: -Sulk-

MV: Don't give me that!

ANNE: I f I MAY continue…..

MV: Knock yourself out!

SNAPE: Literally!

ANNE: -Glares- Remus- Who is the author of 'Hairy Snout, Human heart'?

REM: M…… That's a trick question, no one knows an author… -Looks shifty-

ANNE: That's correct!...... Snape…

SNAPE: BANK!!!

ANNE: Snape- Who was the main inquisitor during the Spanish 'Witch Hunts'?

SNAPE: His holiness the bishop of Madrid…. The biggest traitorous scumbag this side of wizardry.

MV: I gather he wasn't an overly nice person.

SNAPE: Nope! He betrayed his family and heritage just to save his own hide.

MV: That's bad.

ANNE: -Clears throat- Remus- Which famous Italian wizard wrote the classical piece 'The four seasons'

REM: Um… Bach?

ANNE: That is incorrect.. The correct answer is Vivaldi!

-Random funky music-

ANNE: And that's the end of the round!!

MV: In this round you earned 900 galleons! Oh YEAH!!!

REM: Well at least it's an improvement!

SNAPE: We could have gotten more if you hadn't flunked your question!

REM: Shut up Snape, you're the one who banked too early

-Random bickering breaks out-

MV: I don't even know why I bother!!

-Bickering continues-

MV: Um you guys the round is over!!

-Still continues-

MV: OKAY THAT DOES IT!!! NO IGNORES ME!!! –Snaps fingers-

-Both are dressed in nurse's costumes-

REM/ SNAPE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

MV: Told you not to ignore me!

REM/ SNAPE: CHANGE US BACK NOW!!!!!!!!

MV: -Sigh- Fine! –Snaps fingers- Now stop arguing and get your keesters back into the white room!

REM/ SNAPE: Yes maam! –Run next door-

MV: That's a wrap for now!

A/N: YAYAYAYAYAYYAAY!! Finally it's done….. One round to go, one round to go, One… round… to …bloody.. go!!!!! Thanks for sticking with me peeps!!


	10. Round Nine: The Final Stand!

The Weakest Link: A Special Edition

A/N: Okay am seriously in the writing mood tonight! Just finished Round Eight and am cracking right on with Round Nine, well I finished a few hours ago, but I have just got home from the worst night EVER at work GRRR. So this is frustration venting!!

Dis: Don't own anything, never will! Last time I gotta do this YAY!

Dedication: To everyone who has reviewed. It really means so much to me and my rather small ego LOL!! And because of this I shall thank you all individually!

Thank you:

Naz2k3

Junius

Crookykanks

Johnny-E

Makina Kitsune

TheMasterDebater

Thank you all so much

Round Nine: The Final Stand

MV: And now the end is near… and so we face the final curtain. Yeah so I worked an old Frankie song… blame my parents! Well Anywho, we've finally made it… this is it the finale. After much toil, tribulation, and chaos were here! We join our two intrepid contestants in the white room. And to be blatantly honest NOTHINGS HAPPENED!!! GRRRR Well nothing except Snape screaming something about demented mysterious voices…. Don't know what he's talking about. Enough about that though…. Let's get this show on the road!!

SNAPE: -Banging fists on wall- LET ME OUT!!!! LET ME OUT NOW!!!

REM: Honestly Snape you're not achieving anything… So cut it out! You're giving me a headache!

SNAPE: I DON'T CARE!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! –Starts banging hell out of the wall again-

REM: -Sighs-

SNAPE: -Taking out wrath on wall- OOOWWWW!!! I stubbed my toe!!!!

REM: I hope that teaches you… trying to knock down a wall with only your hands and feet is futile. We can't escape; the nutcase has made sure we can't!!

SNAPE: -Sulks-

REM: -Sulks as well-

-Random silence-

SNAPE: How long do you reckon she's gonna keep us here?

REM: I don't know…. Until she 'finally' finishes this thing. –Glares upwards- (Author whistles innocently)… Why?

SNAPE: No reason really! I'm just really bored! I haven't tortured a student in ages! No offence Lupin…. Actually scratch that…. All offence, you are not exactly the best of company!

REM: -Rolls eyes- It's when you say stuff like that I wonder exactly WHY you became a teacher?

SNAPE: -Sniffs haughtily- And as if you're the ideal picture of learning Lupin…. I thought the answer to your question would be obvious!

REM: Actually Snape it isn't obvious, so if you'd care to enlighten me!

SNAPE: I care not! I can't believe that even your tiny brain is that dense as to not realise that you and you're so called 'Marauders'…..

REM: -Grins triumphantly- HAH! Gotcha!!

SNAPE: ST!!! –Growls-

REM: -Tries not to snigger- I can't believe that we're responsible….!!

SNAPE: You can laugh if you want Lupin! You're still as big an idiot now as you were back then!

REM: I mean you can't be serious…. Oh God….. Those poor kids.

SNAPE: -Sniffs again- Yes I am serious!! I thought that after all the suffering you put me through; I think I deserved a little revenge!!!

REM: You know what Snape?

SNAP: No what?

REM: You are seriously screwed up in the brain! I mean you were a Death Eater for God's sake!! Wasn't that enough for you!!

SNAPE: Blame my parents for that one! I hated all that 'Purification of the magical community' crap! Why do you think I became a spy! I never got a chance to get out before that!

REM: You mean like Sirius did!

SNAPE: Yes I mean like Black!

REM: That's creepy….. Very creepy!!

SNAPE: What's creepy!

REM: The fact that you and Sirius are more a like than you think.

SNAPE: Please don't say that….. It makes my head hurt.

REM: Oh come on admit it!

SNAPE: No…

REM: Come OOONNNNNN!! Admit it!

SNAPE: NO!!!!

REM: ADMIT IT!!!

SNAPE: I AM NOTHING LIKE BLACK!!!

REM: Fine… sheesh touchy!!

-Insert random silence-

MV: HEY PEEPS!!!!!!!!

SNAPE/ REM: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

MV: Sorry guy's he-he!!!

SNAPE/ REM: -Glare-

MV: Oh don't give me that!!!

SNAPE: I'll give you what I bloody well want!!!

REM: Ignore him MV…. He's just cranky because he hasn't had anyone to torture for a while…

MV: That's not exactly true…. He did throw that knife at Anne.

SNAPE: That doesn't count! It was a moment of clarity!

REM: Don't you mean insanity?

SNAPE: Nope clarity! I'm surrounded by insanity!!

MV: Ain't that the truth!

REM: -Nods-

SNAPE: So what do you want now you reject from an insane asylum!!

MV: My, he is testy! I just coming to see how you guys were!

REM: Am I the only one seeing anything fundamentally wrong with that?

SNAPE: Nope…. If she's concerned about us then something is definitely up!

MV: No, no not at all!

REM: She's up to something!

SNAPE: I know and I have a solution……

MV: -Raises eyebrow threateningly- And what would that be?

SNAPE: Strike….

REM/ MV: WHAT!!!!!????

SNAPE: I said strike…. Are you complete retards or what….?

MV: You wouldn't dare!!

SNAPE: Believe me I would!

REM: Oh he would! And I would be doing it with him!

MV: I can't believe you two are mutinying against me… after all I've done for you!

REM: Oh don't make us laugh!

SNAPE: All you've done is torture and harass us…. I think we entitled to….

MV: Strike?

REM: Exactly!

MV: Well I say no?

SNAPE: No??

MV: Yup.. No because you forget…. This is my world and I have certain evidence that incriminates both of you! HA!

REM/ SNAPE: ST!!!!!!

MV: That curse word indeed!! And if you don't want the random populace of Hogwarts seeing you're drunken though highly amusing antics I advise you co-operate!

SNAPE: You were right for once Lupin…. She was up to something!  
  
MV: -Sigh- Guess you guys know me too well now –Evil grin-

REM: That is indeed unfortunate!

MV: -Sarcastic- Ouuuhhh your words cut me deep Remus, deep indeed!

SNAPE: If only….

MV: -Glares and snaps fingers-

SNAPE: -Gets shocked- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!!!

MV: -Shrugs- I haven't used that for a while…… I needed someone to vent it on. It was making my hair stand on end!

ALL: -Look very blank and confused-

MV: WHAT!!!! It was playing havoc with my hair and he bad mouthed me OKAY!!!!

ALL: -Back off slowly- O-KAY!

MV: No one understands me…..

SNAPE: You are aware that you've just contradicted yourself!?

MV: Shut up Snape! I'm angsting!

REM: Enough sniping you two! Mv would you please tell us what the hell you want or go and torture someone else!

MV: -Sniffs- It is not torture, it is a creative outlet…. Don't diss me! (A/N: I've been DYING to put that in)

REM: Yeah whatever.. –Notes almighty glare of death-…. Fine what do you want?

MV: Well we've…

REM/ SNAPE: WE'VE!!!!???

MV: Yes 'We've'! We've being myself S.J, and Johnny have decided it's time for you to pay off your end of our little bargain.

REM: Why do I have a VERY

SNAPE: VERY

REM: VERY

SNAPE: VERY bad feeling about this!

MV: -Evil grin-

REM/ SNAPE: Oh God I'm dead!

MV: Aw come on guys, lighten up…. It will be fun!

REM/ SNAPE: -Look extremely sceptical-

MV: Don't give me that look…. I've… sorry we've been planning this for a while…. It'll be a right laugh!

SNAPE: YES! AT OUR EXPENSE!!!

MV: That's not…. Entirely true!

REM: -Raises eyebrow- And I'm the Pope of the catholic church!

MV: Besides you have to do it! I have 'The Evidence'!

REM/ SNAPE: -Wince-

REM: You had this planned from the start didn't you!?

MV: Not entirely….. I've been pretty much been making this up as I go along!

SNAPE: Ah… so I was right…. You are a moron!

MV: Do you want to be shocked again?

SNAPE: Will it knock me unconscious?

MV: NO!!!

SNAPE: Then I'll pass then!

MV: And he's calling ME the moron!! Anywho… I'll get straight to the point. Me and the dastardly duo have decided that instead of the final 'head to head round' we are going to have something a little bit different!

REM/ SNAPE: -Look scared-

MV: Already warned you about that!

REM/ SNAPE: -Look even more scared-

MV: -Sigh- Well we figured since this is a 'Head to head' we may as well turn it into something a little well more competitive!

REM: Again I'm getting that BAD feeling!!

MV: will you stop complaining about that bad feeling until after I've finished explaining!

SNAPE: -Sarcastic- Explain away!

MV: -Mockingly sharp- Why thank you Severus, Anywho… we thought it would be fun if you fought for the money….. like say wrestling….

REM: You want us to wrestle one another…???

MV: Well yes! And if you do this I swear that all of 'The Evidence' will be destroyed!

REM: You game!

SNAPE: Let's do it! After all it's all fake!

MV: Lets go people –Squeals in delight- OH YEAH! I GET TO HOST MY OWN WRESTLING MATCH! Okay people to your stations!!!

Five minutes later in the studio

-The whole studio has been transformed into a cheap rip off version of a wrestling ring complete with rickety walkway and mud pit for a ring!!-

MV: YEAH!! This is soooo COOL!!! Hey you guys…. Get your butts in here!

-S.J and Johnny-

S.J: EWWWW mud!

JOHNNY: You didn't actually get them to agree to this did you?

MV: -Really evil smirk- Oh but I did!

JOHNNY: You my dear girl are a genius!

MV: I do try –Laughs-

-Anne appears-

ANNE: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY STUDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MV: What's it look like…. I made a few modifications –Sees seething look- DON'T worry I'll put it all back after were done.

ANNE: Make sure you do…

MV: I will…. Right shall we take our positions in the announcing box! The match is about to begin!

-They all take their seats-

JOHNNY: Introducing first….. Weighing in at 230lb the Slytherin snake, master of potions and various other unmentionables! SEEEEEVERUS SNNNNAAAPPEE!!!

-Snape walks down runway and trips at bottom over a random plank-

SNAPE: -Growls and climbs into the ring- WTF IS THIS!!!! YOU DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT MUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MV: -Whistles innocently- Must've slipped my mind…

SNAPE: -Growls-

S.J: Anywho…. Onto our next competitor!! Weighing in at 195lb, the pride of Gryffindor's lion! Everyone's favourite lycanthrope REEEEMUUUS LUUUUPIIIN!!!

-Remus enters arena and walks down runway. His foot goes through a rotting board causing him to stumble-

REM: Stupid board –Climbs into ring- WTF IS THIS!!!! YOU DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT MUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MV: I've just had a feeling of deja-vu!

ALL: -Nod-

MV: As I said to Severus…. It must've slipped my mind!

REM: Slipped your mind my arse!!!

MV: -Clears throat threateningly-

REM: -Glares-

MV: Finally introducing the referee for this evening…. She is experienced in many bouts and scuffles… hailing from somewhere in England! ANNNNEEEE ROOBBBIIIINNSSOOOONN!!

ALL: NO WAY!

MV: YES WAY!!!! She's the toughest ref I could think of… after all she has to deal with us lot! On a chapterly basis I might add!!

S.J: Good call Sis! Believe me she IS tough…. Tough but fair!

ANNE: WHAT! You didn't tell me this…

MV: Again must have 'slipped my mind' –Grins evilly- So get your backside down there now! –Snaps fingers-

-Anne is transported into ring-

ANNE: GROSS!!!! MUD!!!!

ALL: -Laugh-

MV: Okay, let's get this show on the road. LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!!

ANNE: Okay you two come here! Right I want to see a nice clean fight, no low blows, no biting, no spitting! Okay let's get it on!!!

SNAPE: Those last few comments were aimed at you Lupin!! –Grins maliciously-

Back in the announcers box

MV: Okay and were in and… what the HELL!!! We've only been in a few minutes and this has already turned into an all out brawl! Looks like those years of rivalry are taking its toll!

S.J: OUCH! Man this is not going to end well!!

JOHNNY: COME SEVY HIT HIM HARDER!!!!!!!

S.J/ MV: -Give Johnny 'The Look'-

JOHNNY: WHAT!?

MV: Biased cow!

JOHNNY: Guilty as charged...

MV: -Glares-

S.J: Anywho back to the fight….

Back in the ring

SNAPE: This is for all those times you didn't stop those gits! –Pummels Lupin-

REM: Is that all you've got! HAH! I laugh at your pitiful attempt! Take THIS –Smacks him- and THIS! –Smacks him- and THIS!!! –You get the drift!-

SNAPE: -Stumbles backwards- Pathetic!

REM: -Growls and charges at Snape- Eat this… Wooaaaaa –Slips on mud and goes flying into ring post- OWWW! My head!!

SNAPE: Very graceful Lupin! –Laughs-

REM: -Skids along floor and knock Snape over-

SNAPE: WHY YOU LITTLE!!! –Jumps on top of Remus-

-Start rolling around the floor like a pair of school kids-

ANNE: Oh Lordy… come on you two… break it up!!!

-Keep rolling around floor and knock into Anne-

ANNE: YAAAHHH! –Falls in the mud- You've ruined my new suit!!!! –Kicks the two guys-

REM/ SNAPE: -Continue fighting-

Announcers box-

MV: Oh YEAH Fight, fight fight!!!!

S.J: You are WAY too into what you do!!!

MV: You say that like it's a bad thing!!!

S.J: Well it is a bit!!

MV: Hey Johnny…. Have any comments on that… Johnny?? Hey where'd she go..??

S.J: -Shrugs- I dunno…. But you know its bad news!!!

Back in the ring

-Guys are now back on their feet and scuffling

REM: Hah Snape you're such a weakling!! –Beats seven shades of st out of Snape-

SNAPE: I'll never let you beat me!!

Up in the rafters

MYSTERIOUS SHADOW: He-he-he cutting the rope…. Cutting the rope he-he-heee!!!

-Sneaks off-

In The Ring

REM: Oh yeah your going down!! Huh… what's that noise…… -Sandbag from rafters hits him on head-… oh –Falls down unconscious-

JOHNNY: PIN him NOW SEV!!!!

SNAPE: Whaaa … Ugh…. –Crawls over and pins Remus-

ANNE: And we have a pin….. –Skids to floor- Ew… I'm so sending MV my dry cleaning bill!

JOHNNY: Just do the count already!!!!

ANNE: -Angry- FINE!!!! One……. –Slaps floor-

MV: Come on REM!! Wake up!!!!

ANNE: Two……. –Slaps floor-

S.J: No WAY he's gonna win… no sodding way!

ANNE: Three!!! It's over!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

MV: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

JOHNNY: YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!! Ha my very, very sneaky evil plan worked!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

MV: -P'Off- So it was YOU in the rafters!!!!!

JOHNNY: Er…. I didn't say that…. Um that door over there is looking very inviting SEEYA SMAELL!!!!

MV: JJJJJJJJOOOOHHHHNNNNYYY!!!! I'm gonna kill you!!!

S.J: Don't lie sis! She's your best mate! You wouldn't kill her!

MV: Don't bet on it!

ANNE: Hey Mv can you tidy this place up so we can finish this bloody thing!

MV: Yeah fine… whatever –Snaps fingers and all is as it was and the two guys still covered in mud are at their podiums… well Snape is.. Remus is just kinda draped over his-

ANNE: Thanks….. Um… shouldn't you wake him up?

MV: I suppose so…… -Claps hands and large bucket of water tips over Remus' head-

REM: -Shocked- I'm awake!!!! I'm awake!!!!!!

ANNE: Right….. Severus you are today's strongest link earning a grand total of 3220 Galleons! Which charity are you going to give it to?

SNAPE: Do I have to?

MV: YES!!! We already had this discussion!!!

SNAPE: Fine… I'm donating it to the Sunshine Sanctuary for sick Snakes and other reptiles!!

MV: Okay here it goes –Whistles loudly, money shoots off-

ANNE: Okay that is all from the Weakest Link…. Goodbye!

Backstage

REM: I should've won that…. But hey I'm not a sore loser… congratulations to the man!

-Camera pans to Snape-

SNAPE: I say the best man won…. Although I would have preferred to keep the money! Word of advice…. Do not let demented people drag you into ANYTHING AGAINST YOUR WILL!!!

-Ending theme-

MV: Phew….. finally over!

JOHNNY: AMEN to that!

S.J: -Nods in agreement- Uh-huh!

JOHNNY: So what now??

MV: Well…. I'm not due back for a while…. How about a party?

S.J: Sounds good to me!!

JOHNNY: Me too!

MV: Then lets party then people!!! OH YEAH!!!

The End…… or is it?

Mini Dis: This is from The Discworld Novels…. Which I don't own…. –Mutters- stupid copyrights!

A/N: And here it is…..the end! Well the end of the show at least –Winks- it took a long time to get here, 3 years to be exact… but I finally finished it! Thanks for being so patient guys! I know it's been a long wait but everyone's support has been fab!


	11. Epilogue: Party Time People!

The Weakest Link: A Special Edition

Epilogue: Party Time People!!

A/N: I just couldn't leave it hanging like that! I know the show is over… but I just had to finish it off with a party… I think the occasion is worthy! Enjoy the antics peeps!

A/N2: I just remembered That I did a piece of artwork for this so if you wanna see it Check out my deviant art 

Everyone was bored, just an average day in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry....... or was it? In a 'PUFF' of smoke Harry, Ron and Hermione disappear from the Gryffindor common room. In the staff room Professors McGonagall and Snape were grading papers, in-between shooting dirty looks at one another and 'POOF' there gone too. Somewhere in London Moony and Padfoot are sitting, relaxing and 'PUFF' are gone just like that. Draco Malfoy is pacing the Slytherin common room when in yet another 'POOF' of smoke is gone. And finally Voldemort (who will hereby be known as Voldie from now on, cause it's funny) is plotting some evil mischief, in a dark cave in Albania and suddenly 'PUFF' has vanished into thin air. Our rather unfortunate victims... ER HEROES, yes heroes find themselves in a muggle T.V studio!

ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!

-Insert evil laughter-

MV: Ah don't worry people…. I'm not here to make you do it again…. Geez once took long enough!

HARRY: Then why are we here!

MIN: Yes! WHY….

MV: -Rolls eyes- My GOD you people are suspicious!

SIRIUS: Why shouldn't we be? You've given us no reason to trust you!

REM: And the fact you've brought us BACK HERE! Is not exactly filling us with confidence!

MV: Guys will you please take the sticks from out of your backsides and relax! I promise you I am not going to do anything bad at all to you!

ALL: WHAT!!

VOLDIE: That's kind of hard to believe!!

MV: Listen… I'm here to thank you guys!

ALL: -Shocked- WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

MV: Oh don't look so surprised!! I maybe slightly mental, but I know when to appreciate when people have done a good job, and we did a good job!

ALL: -Look sceptical-

MV: -Groans- Isn't their anything I can do to convince you I mean well!

ALL: NO!!!

SNAPE: Well actually…. Yes there is!

MV: -Nervous- And what would that be?

ALL: Yeah Snape…. What would that be?

SNAPE: Show yourself… I'm mighty sick of talking to thin air (SIRIUS: As if he doesn't do it all the time)! It will prove to us your willing to put yourself in the middle of it, and that will prove it's nothing bad….

DRACO: In a kind of scary way…. That makes sense!

ALL: -Nod agreeingly-

MV: Is that what it takes for you to trust me on this?

ALL: YUP!!

MV: Fine then….. I'll be down in a few seconds..

-A few seconds randomly pass by. Then the studio side door opens and a quite small, long red haired girl in jeans and t-shirt walks in-

MV: -Cheerful- Hi Guys…..

VOLDIE: Get her!!! –He alone charges forward-

MV: Ah put a sock in it Voldie! Right I suppose you're wondering why I've brought you here?

ALL: -Nod-

MV: Well as I said before it's to say thanks for putting up with me….

HERM: And how exactly are you going to do that?

RON: YEAH! Hurry up and tell us already!

MV: Well like this… - Claps hands loudly-

-Instantly thee whole room is transformed into a huge party filled with staff, reviewers, other writers, members of Hogwarts and generally anyone else I could wrangle up-

ALL: WOW!!!

MV: SO thanks you guys…. Go out and enjoy yourselves! But you have to promise me one thing…..

ALL: What's that..?

MV: Just for this one chapter can we all just get along and enjoy ourselves…

ALL: We'll try!

MV: How about you Lord Voldemort?

VOLDIE: Hey you called me by my proper name……

MV: Yeah…. I said we were getting along didn't I… come on how about it?

VOLDIE: Just for this chapter…….?

MV: Yup! Just for this chapter!

VOLDIE: Then I can go back to my old ways and do whatever the hell I want?

MV: Yup!

VOLDIE: AH WHY THE HELL NOT…… LETS PARTY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so the swinging after show bash got under way. Former enemies sat and drank together united for this one night under a banner of unity and a serious amount of alcohol! People had fun and conga'd around the BBC. Annoying even more people… Generally a good time was had by all!!!

The End… For real this time

A/N: -Sniffs and wipes tear- I can't believe I finally finished this. There was a point where I thought it was never gonna get done, but I proved myself wrong and I'm very happy because this is the first Multi-chapter fic I've finished! YAY! Well here you go Peeps this is the final farewell from the Weakest Link………… Goodbye!

M.G


End file.
